dance concert photos

i told you my boobs didnt shrink

i told you so!

omg! i totally knew you were telling the truth! i didnt believe her from the start! lol.

danced n sang (badly) in the shower. jo told me not to scare the neighbours but i think they must have been jerking off.
i am finally at peace. and you may all now retract your condolensces. =)

who the hell is this girl? whatever, she cracks me up so bad. u have to watch this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE-F1yMv8nY

ballerinas have sex too!

the most sexually charged ballet i have ever seen in my life. simply beautiful. this dance is way more arousing than the vids of pussycatdolls. watch it twice over so u understand what was really happening at the begining. the talking bit in the middle was weird.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fyyha6j1k38&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuT9SSefsqo&mode=related&search=
the end makes me laugh. she's blind dude!! you can do whatever u want with her! sheesh. ( its the same chick as with the other clip).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfu8Cdm_zv8
Getover him girlfriend! if i can do it, you can do it too!... you're both gonna die anyway. and HELLO!.. there's a bed upstage or are u guys blind?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFd_wfxbn0k&mode=related&search=
this i dont get. was she trying to say 'im pregnant' or 'come feel me up'?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhPMIIs9wsA&mode=related&search=
ahhh... Fools in Love. ...they practically have an orgasm on stage...

Gloat world, gloat

i just have a feeling this entry's gonna be great.

allow a few minutes of silence for his lost..

so, i didnt get much sleep last night so i was already awake way before i had to get ready for school. since i was early i decided to get started. i tossed the ring into the bin, opened the carton boxes where i kept the stuffed toys and threw tt into the bin too, found the dogtags, detatched the one my sis gave me n threw the rest of it in the bin, took out old photos, tore them down the center, i plan to make a little mosaic so those interested can come ask me for pictures of my artwork!.. i didnt throw some away cos i look so gorgeous in them and i wanna keep them so when i hire a hitman, he'd get the right person. havent burnt the other pics yet but will get round to it. also deleted all emails/fwded mails etcetc..i was trying to throw out anything tt reminds me of anything.. i was wondering how i could fit myself into the bin...

you may send ur condolensces to me, but u cant say 'i told u so', which would make me feel more The Fool. u may say: omg! i totally didnt see that coming.. to back me feel better..lol..

so you think you can dance?

ok. i went for jazz class tonight and we were working on this short dance, a continuation from last week. so anyway, you know how i said we were doing Beauty and the Beast for the ballet at the end f othe year, apparently, as i just found out, there is a performance for jazz/tap/funk too.
so there we were...going over the dance again and again, and Ms Amanda said "pretend this is an audition, gimme what you got". and i was looking around.. wondering if anyone else got that huge hint, which was obvious cos the teachers are choreographing for the concert now and last week she mentioned she might use this dance for the concert.

so after that, i went ALL OUT ... seriously, i was so close to making my own sound effects. i took it 3 levels higher. then Ms amanda asked 4 of us to demonstrate in to the class of 11 or 12... *coughcough* i was one of them. so i was thinking...my efforts paid off. then later, after class ended, she came to the 4 of us and told us she needed us to come down for rehearsals on sunday. YES!!!THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!!!
so yes, you may come and congratulate me =)

please call me?

i didnt think i would ever say this, but i am anxiously waiting for my teacher's call. my ballet teacher said she might need me to go down for extra class on monday night. im hoping she'll tell me i have a solo for the end of yr performance (we're doing Beauty and the Beast, and no, i didnt get the lead part n i cried) or some exciting thing like that, hence the need for extra private classes.
please call me!!!!!!! im so very free on monday night!!!! i dont mind going for class everyday!!!

a lil hope for average lookin guys

witty, articulate, humourous, intersting average looking guys have a a better chance of finding a chick than a dull, inarticulate, witless hot guy. i know this from a fact because am i CURRENTLY have a conversation with a fairly good looking guy. i feel as though i am explaining the intricacies of life to an 8 yr old. i wonder whether he had abnormal brain development as a child. my attention span lasts 5 secs. he asks about my dream job, and just when i think we're staring the 'getting to know u' bit, he says the weirdest things.

he says:how r u gonna b a lawyer???like set up ur own company?
i say:em.. not really..work in a corporate firm..
he says:oh...cool wud they juz accept people?
i say:u mean the firm?
he says:yer
i say:um.. u have to apply..then theyd look at ur qualifications n experience
he says:but u got no exp rite?
i say:ya..
he says:they wud put u up with minor cases when u starting i suppose
i say:yeah.n maybe after a change jobs a few times, with more experience, i can get my ideal job
he says:
maybee when u make a name for urself then u'll start rolling in LoL
he says:
u gettin straight As???
i say:huh?
he says:resultsresults results!!!
isay :um..yeah..wat has tt gotta do with my experience n my dream job?
he says:do they want a good result or just to pass in those subjects??
i say:im sure they would want gd results too.. but its not entirely based on results..
he says:melbourne courses arent based on results? like entirely???
i say:nono! i thot u meant the job!

he says:omg lol so...lets restart!in Melbourne Uni...do they need good results to get into the courses u want???
i say:yes of cos!...its a uni!

it seems as tho im the slow one here, but im sure u can testify.
and the communication breakdown continues.... more like the communication lapse.. on his part.

please talk to me?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC5-fbjAxGA
God, please make me dance like her.

i

all the things we hide from

AGEING, LOVE & MARRIAGE

i write this in response to Shing's (sorry but i just cant bring myself to call you ally) entry in which she exposes the intricacies of love & marriage.

first of all, i do not understand why some women think that once they get married, it is acceptible that they 'let go'. ladies, im sure you know what i mean, but for the benefit of guys, 'letting go' includes, no longer bothering to shave, apply make up, smell good, keep in good shape, et cetera et cetera (btw, my chinese teacher says et ceterika). basically to not upkeep your image and in general, look good.
take a look at example A:
lady A married 2 years ago and recently gave birth to a healthy baby. she and her husband are thrilled. amidst all the hustle and bustle of first-time motherhood, lady A has failed to regain her prenatal figure after a year. (gasps!) her sex drive has also toned down, most likely due to nursing and caring for her child. as the months pass, she gets sucked into the vicious cycle of motherhood and has traded her manolo blahnik stilettos for Bata walking shoes. her perfume, for powder; her leather minis for beige pencil skirts, and oh! only washes her hair on alternate days now, and shaves for special occasions.
the funny thing is, lady A can turn around, aghast, and say: "OHMY LORD, I THINK LARRY'S CHEATING ON ME!" damn straight he is.
ladies, if anything, learn from Gabrielle Solis. Samantha Jones if you're unmarried.
and think of this, if Carlos can cheat on Gabby with some drab cheena, WHAT CHANCE DO WE MERE MORTALS HAVE?

and that old adage that a way to a man's heart is through is stomach? whoever invented that needs to seriously reconsider the male species.
my mother tells me: you better learn to cook cos ur husband will want that". and i go "puhlease, in this day and age? i dun think it really matters anymore'. she goes "hah! that's what you THINK!wait till u find a husband!". now, considering the first time i skinned an apple was when i was 15, and that by the time i was done the apple had turned yellow, i totally disagree.

HELLO!? when your husband cheats on you, you dont go "come! i cook char kuay teow! you dont go to geylang anymore k?. and u dont use that as a strategy to keep him home!!
what do you do? YOU SPICE UP THE SEX LIFE! sheesh.

on ageing: i already hate growing old. and the fact that i dont want to admit im turning a grave 17 by xmas also proves im ageing prematurely. i should, by rights, by jumping for joy. or at least looking forward to my bday. i dread the horrors of marriage and motherhood.

on ageing in marriage: yes, as much as i encourage all women to be more like Gabrielle, we all, one day- including the very ms Longoria- will age. and there will come a day when we have to stand upside down for our boobs to look good. but the key phrase here is to age gracefully. and im not saying that even when we're 40 we should try squeezing ourselfs into a mini, but keeping up appearances includes dressing your age.
and of course, you cant always 24/7 be in a sexy thong at home. and chances are, ur husband will get bored of you overdoing the make up and sex-turned-slut appeal. there definately is a something about seeing your wife in scruby pj's, makeupless , hair in wild disarray.

...man.. i have a future in marriage counselling.

point is: you cant get married and then naturally expect and assume your husband is gonna stay faithful. you cant do everything wrong and say 'but you made a vow to me' . you have to take an active role in making ur marriage work -which hardly ever happens.

and for GODS SAKE! i fucking cant stand Unfaithful by Rihanna.

i was bitching with jo, and our hot topic for the day was our arch enemy *****. im too chicken to name. bitching abt ***** was not enough so we started attacking *****'s friend as well. and the friend, name mandy, claims she's a dancer... like... on her blog n friendster. like me basically.
the only diff is...
i actually do dance. now im not sure the extent of her dancing, but this really got me thinking. for all those girls who go clubbing and dance on the dance floor, and dance in front of the mirror at home with the radio -even if u dance well- ur not entitled to call urself a 'dancer'...
i dont exactly noe the criteria in order for one to call themselves a dancer.. but please, dont insult the art/sport by calling yourself a dancer when all you do is copy pussycat's 'buttons' vid. eg just hiphop or just ballet) doesnt qualify u as a 'dancer'. ur a 'dancer' when u can pull off every dance type. (thats me) however, u are allowed to say eg "yes i dance ballet/ i dance hiphop"
as i said i dunno the exact criteria for calling yourself a 'dancer', but i i think dancing ballet consistently for a decade, n takin 5classes a week and being able to pull of any dance type with the exception of capoera and breakdance qualifies me.

its just because with all the hype about dancing like STEP UP and Take the lead.. and all those celebrity dance comps.. everyone wants to claim they're a dancer. ur not! people like me have been working their asses off their entire lives to call themselves dancers and they dont do it just for the title.. u cant just take up ballroom classes one day say ur a dancer! n i noe u just want the 'feel good' of telling ppl "yeah.. im a dancer" cos i do that too, but unlike you, its true.

thats leaves mandy outta my criteria

my camera lens is damn dirty. there's ben on the far left, the other of steph's dates i was telling u about. then evan n matt her other dates n lachlan (rahc's bf btw)
left to right: ambika, me, bron (you might recognise her from photos of the drama dance dinner)
evan and mat. ok evan is really cute but mat is a really good dancer. n being a dancer myself, im not easily impressed...but i was.

rach, steph and me. ok i just asked for fangyi and hanafi's opinion. they all prefer my red dress. fine then!
james (lauren waugh's bro) and rach.

left to right: mat, steph batsakis, evan, lachlan hausser. (mat, evan and ben, not in the pic, were steph's dates! she hold the record for most number of dates for the prom. n i think evan is real cute.) rach. funnily enough this pic reminds me of stupid jap girls acting cute, but somehow maybe its cos she isnt asian so the effect isnt there.

me and lauren waugh.

prom

Unofficial yr 11 formal. 1 sept 2006. i wore this dress to my 15th bday, and yes, its abit old but ididnt wanna spend alot for this formal. n the dress looks hot anyway. so my mum curled my hair again and im posing in my beautiful room looking gorgeous! i took pics with my mum at home, since im her masterpeice, as tradition dictates, but cos i look fugly n all of them, i didnt wanna post it.
before/pre party. thats rachel palmer n we're at lauren chesterman's house in Mitcham (a suburb). when i arrived lauren chest was still trying to paste her wonder bra while reading out the instructions on the box: 'Lift boob up and...'. im also wearing my mum's bracelet and the earrings i bought at Far East with xh on my june hol to singapore.

left to right: gorgeous lynn, dirty tom Mcnicol (hanafi this was who i was telling u about), stephan (lauren chesterman's bf) and dear amelia Keen.
left to right: sexy lynn, chic lauren waugh, darling amelia, endowed lauren Chesterman (who finally pasted her bra) and dalring rach. we were feeling like celebs cos we were posing n like were like a million lights flashing at us cos all the parents n brothers were there taking photos..

bitch vs bitchy

when i say im not a bitch its because i dont backstab/betray my friends, i dont steal boyfriends, i love my friends n family to bits and im nice to them, etcetc (everything you see on mean girls)

when i say im bitchy its because i diss bitches, sluts, tryhards, most strangers and lame people, i bite back if u make me.

im saying this because all along i always thought tt there's nth seriously wrong abt that and i have fun dissing people (behind their backs so it doesnt hurt their feelings), and at the end of the day, i noe im a good person inside when it comes to people who i care about and who care about me (thats alot of people). but i think all this time, while i have declared myself 'bitchy' people mistake that for me being proud that im a bitch. i dont see myself as a bitch. and when it comes to dissing people, well... you thought it, i had the guts to say it. i call my girlfriends 'bitches' sometimes because we diss people together, we laugh and cry together and cos they're cool. and when they call me a bitch, its for the same reason (i hope).

so there's a great line between being a pure bitchy and being bitchy.

and hence, i shall shed the word 'bitchy' from my list of words to describe myself.. and change it to something else... that i havent yet thought of..

stop staring at my boobs

why is everyone saying my boobs have shrunk? the day i drop down to a b cup ill announce it right here.

maybe it cos ive put on weight so they look smaller in comparison. but seriously in the red dress.. its the dress tt makes it look smaller. honest!

and hanafi didnt say anything about it. he was marvelling only in my breathtaking beauty. =)

guy are jerks. guys in my friends' lives are jerks. well, some of them.

the one before you

you think you're so cool, just because you do the same things he does.
you think you can get away under your cover being 'attached'. while you sneakily slide next to him, you know he likes it cos he plays your game, you should also know you're not the only one. and definately not the first.
fool! you think you can own him but you've no idea what your up against.
i watched you two dance, saw you squirm when you could feel my eyes on you. is that your conscience speaking now?
oh yes im watching you, all the way from here. and im coming back girl.
and let that be a warning for all you silly girls... sheesh... haven't you heard of Lynn?

continued

left to right: me and bron, me and kat (this picture's gonna b worth millions in 20 yrs time. she's gonna be the next picasso/davinci/watever artist), me and nathan biggins (kat's bf).










left to right: beresford n me, group photo which started off being just yr 11 girls to everyone joining in, then me, bronwyn montgomery and ele danks.

drama & dance dinner 2006

sami and me
jumping back to before the dinner
beresford and me
randoms.. sam's at the end tho.
me and 6 foot 4 cannizzo.lol..turn your bloody head.

mum (who curled my hair and drew my eyebrows) and me before we set off for the dinner.
pics from the dinner to celebrate Chess and the graduations of seniors (yr12's). it was a masquerade ball and im wearing Daniel Yam tt i got from sg during my hol there which xh helped to pay for me first..lol

more pics from Chess

lauren waugh n samantha rowe
my signature pose everybody knows me for. i start of the chorus dance with this pose.

brendy and me before the saturday show
guy's changing room
nicole franklin and me. my bro was in the same batch as nic's older sis ashleigh.. n my bro hated her..lol
brendan chen n nic

will and i. i had to slide up and down his butt at least 100 times for rehearsals and performances.

pictures!

these are pics from Chess, the senior school musical. thats tom beresford n me. we did the lover's dance together. he pretends to like me but i think he doesnt really. lol.
these are the ballet chicks in the musical. there were only 4 of us.
lauren waugh. she's one of the main characters n has the voice of an angel.
the set/stage and orchestra.
beresford n me.

The Suprising Present

last saturday, hanafi gave me a suprise/present. a suprising present. which was about 15 -20 minutes of talk time before bed! i was definately in a good mood cos CHESS, the musical im invovled in just finished that night, i just came back from the rather shit after party, at which hanafi also called to presumably congratulate me and i naturally told everyone i knew that my ex from singapore just called.=) so anyway, me and hanafi got to chat for like 15-20 mins... we haven't chatted this long in ages. and the next morning it felt like a dream. when i spoke to him online the next day and asked what the suprising present was for... he said something along the lines of 'once in a while having a long chat to make me happy'. and 15-20 mins to him is already like a lightyear so i was v appreciative.

and i also got through the first round of voting for prefect positions. and as much as everyone knows how much i regretted and hated being a councillor in CSS, something tells me being a prefect here is going to be different. for one, it doesnt mean teachers watch u like a hawk. for two, here ur also allowed to make mistakes like normal students even though ur a prefect.

how lynn of you!

firstly, i would like to mention tt for the the first time in my life, my home has cable tv. i now live for cable tv. so anyway, i watched this show about the playmates in the playboy mansion. there were 3 girls, all look completely different before make up and before the make over. after the make up and make over, they look like blonde, tan plastic dolls that just popped out from the factory: serial number 0020, 0021 and 0023 (batterties not included).
anyway, 0020 had a younger sis living with her in the mansion, but because she was only 14/15, she wasnt allowed to participate in all the 'fun' things her older sis did. so for her birthday, 0020 gave her sis fake boobs and a make over!!! WOW! now we have 0024! the sisters' mother came for the big 0024 'before and after' ceremony, AND WAS MOVED TO TEARS. my little girl! all grown up! two ive got 2 sluts as daughters! yippee!
0021 claims rotting hugh hefner is her soulmate. enough said.
0023 feels that she is now legitimised as hef's girlfriend because all his previous gfs were on the cover of Playboy, and she only just made it for the latest issue.

basically, after watching that show i made a mental list of reasons why im way hotter and sexier than 0020, 0021 and 0023.
1. im all real (nothing explodes when you touch it, nothing is flamable)
2. im all real and loving it (unlike the old 0024 who really wanted to turn into a plastic doll)
3. im for real (at least i dont claim hef's my soulmate)
4. ive got brains
5. i leave what i look like naked to the imagination, rather than what i look like clothed to the imagination.
6. i wear 'sexy secretary' glasses.
7. im asian.
8. im not perfect- my thighs arent proportional to my calfs (perfect is boring. i mean, how long can u stay interested in a manufactured doll who gives you the same reply to every question? how long can u stand looking at a platinum blonde girl without wondering what she might look like if she was brunette?)
9. i dont spend time curling/striaghtening my hair for school (this is more an attack to the girls at school rather than the playboy mates)
10. i have a real meaningful life filled with real people i love, as opposed to living with housemates who look uncannily identical to me.
11. i dont care if boys think im hot/not. (actually i do care if A boy thinks im hot/not, but even then, its minimal).
12. i am a complex individual
13. i appreciate literature and the arts.
14. i specialise in the most non-sexual, non-sensationalised dance in the world- ballet.
15. i dance the most sexual dance in the world for myself.

apart from that, i went shopping on the weekend! i bought a pair of white tapered jeans, pink fingertipless wool gloves, a haircurler (for special occasions only), 2 revlon nail polish for $4!!! my god! a cute pink singlet that reveals the tip of ur bra (if u wear one), a black silk sleeper to sew under my translucent dress, and huge 6-picture frame to mount on my wall.

i still cant get over the revlon nail polish 2 for $4! anyway, i bought red and this other colour. and my mum always told me how much red doesnt suit me cos im slightly tan. apparently red makes me look like a hooker/witch. but i thought id see for myself (cos i personally really like the look of red nail polish), and i really like it, and 3 people at school complimented my nails today, which goes to show my mum is only 99% of the time right.

my school musical is on thurs, fri and sat nights, with an afternoon performance on sat as well. dress rehearsals tmr. i dont have a speaking part, but i do dance in every single dance scene. and i sing with the chorus. by that i mean i mouth the words im half-sure of. wish me luck!

xoxo yining
ps: my fav colour turqoise of 3 years is no longer. it is now salmon pink, slighty more pink than what u r seeing now.

SMACK AND TAG

apparently, after ive done the 20 people thing im supposed to smack and tag 5 people (wit i smacked and tagged these people because i think they could do with abit of luck- don't take offense, its not one of those things like because u look so ugly i feelu need luck in ur dating life way. its more like, why dont u have a lil boost in life.. in whatever aspect way):

1. hanafi (because i think he will need luck with regard to where our rship is going)
2. hsien (probably because id love to see her n her man go on for a long, happy time, and not end up like the rest of her rships, and that her taste in men will improve exponentially. i can see the progess shing)
3. wei long (maybe because he'd always questioning his purpose in life, i feel stressed out for him)
4. xiu hui (i find it weird tt i need to wish her luck in this area cosidering she'd one of the most attractive people i know, but for some reason noone's come along, and probably not to have people like Farhan the F*** get close to her)
5. wanxin (similar reason to hanafi i guess)

now wx is angry at me. but, BUT, this was what really happened...
after i published my post n logged off on my comp, it dawned on me that i didn't mention wx as one of the 20 people i noe. i thought, oh shit! i better go change it when i get home before she reads it!

so now wx has read it before i could change it.

well, what can i do to make it up to u wx? =)

the lover's game

'the lover's game' is the title of the one of the dances im doing for the school musical.

anyway, i read shing's blog just like 3 seconds ago... and read this bit about how she wants to go to tioman with ivan (i would so kill to go to a place like tt with hanafi, alone), but he will only take her if she loses her tummy or something like tt. well. dear ivan, all i have to say it that you are losing major brownie points from shing's dear friend Lynn. shing, can u imagine what he would say to his wife after 12 hours of gruelling labour? "OMG! LOOK AT UR STRECHMARKS! SO NOT GOING TO BED WITH U UNTILL U DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT"

i also read weilong's blog n found that that 20 people thing is pretty cool so id do it too.

1. wei long
2. hanafi
3. xiuhui
4. jo
5. shing
6. den
7. man
8. yy
9. sarah
10. sam
11. sitian
12. trixia
13. qi min
14. rachel
15. nick
16. nic
17. al
18. fang yi
19. brendan
20. ivan (shing's)

how u met 14: rachel. well, rach is in my bio and eng class n we got closer through the musical.
what would you do if u never met 1.: wei long. ohno! tt would be bad! he's such a great guy, definately one of my closest guy friends.. although he describes me as a regret in his life. i dont really wanna be seen as a regret in someone's life but hey, id b missing out if i didnt meet him.
what if 9 and 20 dated?: OMG. sarah and ivan! pure coincidence i swear! lol! well, for one, there would be one very evil pontianak called Shing, who would haunt her ex-besty. for two, sarah and ivan would be the funniest thing ever. for three, there would be a very free new man called chee mun. (or was it chee man?)
would 6 and 17 make a good couple?: al and den? assuming they were both lesbians...no. den would probably hate al since al would annoy the shit outta her.
describe 3: xiuhui. well xiuxiu is my bestest friend, for me to call in the middle of the night n cry or whine. if i was a guy id definately date her. slighty eccentric, full of fun and laughter, makin a joke of my family's breakdown, doesnt take life too seriously, always saving money to spend it, holding out for mr jap-right, always thinking of new ways to cut her hair.
is 8 attractive?: yenyu. hmmm.. he was #8 for weilong's thing too. anyway. dear yy has a face and heart that definately is favourable for attracting the opposite sex. however, true friends would tell him there is room for imporvement in the 'art of seduction' area.
describe 7.: man. Mandric Tan is a joker, great immiatator of all the people he hates (think vilau), very inclined to the field of music, great friend, great company. although sometimes people think he's 'kaobei' but i dont really mind. in fact, that's probably his version of my bitchiness. loves mandric.
do u noe 12's family members?: trixia. no.
what would you do if 18 confesses she/he likes u? fangyi! lol! haha..it'd b a good laugh, and very awkward.
what language does 15 speak? nick. english, maybe abit of italian since that's his background. but i think he does spanish at sch.
who is 14 going out with?: rachel is going out with lachy hausser.
how old is 16?nic is 16.
when was the last time u spoke to 13?: qimin. lightyears ago.
who is 2's fav band/singer?: hanafi. he has lots, no specific one.
would u ever date 4? jo. if i was a guy, yes.
is 13 single? qimin? who knows?
is 19 your good friend? brendan? we're okay.
what is 10's last name? sam. rowe.
would you be in a rship with 11? sitian.no, she's such a sweet girl but if i was a guy/lesbian, not really my type.
school of 3? xiuhui. republic poly
6's address: jo.jurong east, opp the school. or sth
fav thing about 5?: she never says anything bad about anyone.
ever seen 2 naked before?:hanafi. yes, actually.

hips do lie

shakira should fire her dance choreograher. hips don' lie is a good song but have u seen the music video?
everything is does has no flow, no theme. nothing. its just random shaking of body parts. she looks so confused. some actions had a tinge of rnb shit.. and then most of it was mexican-y... and then some of it was hiphop. and then the rest was trying to smother her chest to the screen. it was almost a pain to watch the video. of course this is from a female dancer's point of view.

what its like to be me.

What it's like to be me, when it comes to hanafi.

All this while, with hanafi and even before that.. whenever I heard of some pitiful girl not being able to forget her boyfriend.. I'd always think- weakling. Of course you can forget him! Geez! No one has discipline and determination these days!…

Up until now.

And as much as I don't wallow in self-pity, I consider my situation rather pathetic.
Every night I make a long distance call. Not because I want to. Well, sometimes because I want to… but most of the time, its because I have to. The call lasts averagely one minute. Ever since his phone bill with "overseas call" written all over it skyrocketed, we had to limit my calls (yes-my calls, not his, not ours. Cos im always the one calling. He's always the one saying he has to go) to about a minute. On lucky days I might be able to entice him into a 3 minute conversation.

Very much like wham-bam-thank you-mam. Mostly lasting 5 mintues, if im lucky, he might go for 10.

But I don't blame him. He cant answer for the hundreds of dollars worth of overseas calls, when we would speak on the phone for about almost an hour, well aware but willing to push aside the impending doom of the phone bill. On the other hand, my mum hardly questions me about my phone bill. And when she does, she knows its hanafi keeping me up at night when we’re on the phone, or not on the phone. She knows cos she can hear me giggling or sobbing or both.. and then I'd tell her defiantly, " mum! Trust me on this one ok?! Im slowly getting over it, in my own way" What a liar, I'd think to myself. Im screwed. So very screwed. you don't know what its like. To talk to someone every night, into the wee hours of daylight on weekends, for over two years. And then suddenly to not have that privilege, that luxury, that right ripped from you.
And then sometimes when im feeling brave and happily single, I psycho myself saying over and over again :' you don’t need him.. you cant have him. You need someone new in ur life.someone new in ur life. Someone new in ur life'

And then there are those times when I missed the familiarity, the security, the love and joy I had before. The voice that translates into a lullaby (im not trying to write a romance novel but I literally do call him when I have trouble sleeping cos his voice helps me sleep. More so than puts me to sleep). And then it gets so bad it becomes a hole in my life.. if not my heart.

On the 11th of every month my phone alarm goes off reminding me it’s the anniversary.. now to be fair, I would have forgotten if I didn’t have an alarm. But that was the thing. I don’t want to forget. Im scared to. And then id start to think how long we would have been together by now. And then I wonder if he forgot. And then as I bordered on self-pity, I start to think… 7 month since we officially broke up. And look where we still are. We can't go on like this forever. i can't.

and then there's the thought of him moving on before i do.another girl in his arms.

FIFA world cup finals 2006

ok...being me, i only go soccer crazy once every 4 yrs. but when that time comes, i go reallycrazy. i woke up this morning at 5am to watch the second half of the finals...

i finally figured out why soccer players wear jearseys with their respective number printed in HUGE font at the back. its so that when girls like me and jo watch matches and we don't know the exact name of the players, we can still go "OMG!!!no. 20 from france is soooooooooo hot!" or like.. "no. 10 from france is like the cutest player ever!!!" (i actually know its my baby zidane). and like " no. 10 from sweden!!!! did u noe he's a CK model?" (it might actually be no.

i also realised that soccer is a very sexual game. how many times have u heard the commentator go say things like "cannot perform", "rises to the occasion", "delivers his potential", "...and he SCORES!!!!!!" see what i mean? and u cant blame me of having sexual thoughts while watching world cup finals.. i mean.. there was zidane running around, sweating, zidane injuring his shoulder, zidane wiping sweat from his eyes, zidane shouting, zidane drinking water/powerade, zidane headbutting the italian...WHAT!! DID EVERYONE SEE WHAT I JUST SAW??! omg.. i cant believe he did that! how could u?!!!u stupid stupid sexy idiot!! just because he said something bad about me didnt mean u could react so violently! france could have won if u were in the shoot out.

but i forgive him.. i mean.. look at him!!! he's 100% sex appeal. i even let down my grudge against France for beating Brazil.. this has to be true love.

and no matter what they say ronaldo, i think u look cute chubby. *plays you're beautiful by christina aguilera in my head*

now that ive got all my soccer fantasies well n truly brewing in my head... i should have encourage hanafi to play more soccer n be a star.

why we love soccer players:
1. they can go for hours. over 90 minutes to be exact
2. they get random errections while playing (this is according to jo.. and her high defination 1000 inch tv)
3. if they can devote so much time and effort and dedication in 90 mintues chasing a ball, imagine how easy it'll be in bed... no problem in the concentration/stamina department.
4. they look too cute and pityful when they get injured and r in pain...
5. its cute that they try to control their emotions when they lose/get a red card.
6. its touching when they cry when they lose.
7. the get paid like a trillion bucks per week.

zidane and lynn forever!

hypotheticals

to answer my last hypothetical qustion, i'd say i'd go for the loveless but faithful relationship. being in that kind of a rship would be hard, but then finding out that all we shared was a lie would b harder.

my two fetishes in life are: shoes & lingerie.

there was a sale at Myer today, and i went lingerie shopping crazy. i took at least 25 pieces into the fitting room. i have to admit i was embarassed by the huge pile of bras i was taking into the fitting room. since it was a sale, i was comforted by the fact that other ladies in the queue were holding a small pile of their own as well. i spent about 15 whole minutes in the fitting room, and bought 5 bras. considering that i took about 25 into the fitting room, i tried on the bras at superman speed. tried on one, twirled around, zapped it off, and threw it onto the floor, in its respective pile: makes my boobs look weird, maybe, yes o yes!
i was so excited by the purchase of my bras, that i suddenly had an urge to go take a dump.

Lynn's guide to life

everyone would have to, at some point of their lives, dump someone. and when someone reaches this point in their life, they would have to face the breakup pep talk.
examples:

"oh john! its not you! its me!"
the classic 'its not you its me'

"john.. you're a great guy...too great even. i don't deserve you. i deserve someone so much better than me"
the 'im not good enough for you' speech

"john...its obvious we not working out...we are going our seperate ways.. but we'd still be friends!"
the 'we'd be better off without each other" conclusion

there are many others... no doubt, creative, orginal, innovative ones are always appreciated. maybe something like :"my grandmother's sick and bedridden (is tt one word or two?).. i have to move to Zimbabwe to nurse her. so i guess we cant see each other anymore. and oh yes-there's no phone/internet connection there.

as you can see, we always try to soften the blow. and rightly so. this bring me to my next point. and if u haven't already noticed i am writing this from a girl's point of view. there are only a few things tt warrant you to not try to soften the blow. (this is ranked)

1) he cheats on you
2) he pressures you to have sex, and even gets anrgy when you say no.
3)he disses you behind your back, to his friends.

i bring this topic up because no. 2) has happened to someone i know. n she cracked her brain on how to soften the blow. supernice of her of course. but again, she didnt have to.

however, the focus now is on no. 1).

im watching One Hour Photo now, an academy award film starring Robbin Williams.
to sum it up, robbin willaims is syg, who develops pictures at a photo shop in a shopping centre. there's a family of three, mum, dad n son, who develop their photos at this photos shop, and have been doing so for the past like..decade. so basically he becomes obsessed with this family (he has none) and has like a shrine of all their pictures.. and they all look happy in jovial, a picture perfect family. one day this random lady with long red hair comes to dvp her photos. and as he develops it, he sees the husband of that family(the bastard) with the lady with long red hair girl (the slut) acting intimately together. he gets really anrgy and hurt, i assume its becasue he really took to the family and feels hurt for them. and takes revenge for the wife by breaking into a hotel room the bastard and slut were sharing in the middle of them having sex. he comes in with a dagger and forces them to have sex.. and basically the slut's like crying n shaking n shit.. n im going :"yeah!! u deserve tt bitch!!!! he's a married man!!! suck on that slut!"

the point im trying to make is that cheating on someone is one thing. cheating and getting caught is whole new thing.

as much as i hope and pray almost every alternate day that my marriage would be like those in romance books, the undying love, im also hestitant to say that i would never cheat on my husband, EVER. i mean, who knows??
now i might say something like that now because it is against my morals, but what if the undying love, well, doesnt die, but goes into like a temporary coma? i hate to see myself as someone who might cheat on her husband. i would rather be oblivious and naive and just dreamily and haughtily say Never Ever would i do something like that, and that its just something i cannot see myself doing. but im more afraid of growing up, and if i cheated on my husband, becoming someone i hated as a child, looked down on as a child and becoming someone i swore i would never be.

in that sense im a coward. i say that i might cheat on my husband now so that in future, if that happens, i could go easier on my conscience.

watching One Hour Photo (that just ended two seconds ago) helped me imagine the day i find out my husband/boyfriend is cheating on me. when the wife in the movie saw the picture of her husband and the other woman, what i felt then is probably 0.1% of what she was feeling, and what i would feel if that happened to me.

and then i started to imagine hanafi with another girl, like in the pictures in that movie. and quickly pushed that thought aside because it scared the shit outta me.

its one thing seeing your spouse with someone else, but its another seeing your spouse with someone else, happy, and laughing. especially if he/she was never as happy with you.

hypothetical question:
would you rather be in a loveless but faithful relationship, or a one filled with love and happiness, but have ur spouse also sharing this love with someone else?

why you should always check your timetable

yesterday i forgot to bring my record book home, so i didnt know what lessons i have today, and at what time, and what homework i have to get done. not that i do any work on thursday nights anyway. but i reach school at 8:33am, and go to homeroom, and then my locker, when i found out :

I HAVE A SPARE THIS MORNING.

which meant i could have slept in an hr or so more.
which meant i wouldnt be contsantly producing tears from all the yawning.
which meant i could be in a better mood from more sleep, instead of avoiding everyone, typing this entry during recess. which is about over.

this reminds of me why i am avoiding this particular person. now, when i start talking about it, im calm n rational. by the time im halfway done, im dissing the shit outta him and complaining to God (which i never ever do) and plunging into a state of depression. which really shouldnt be.

Code name: John ( i use john for everything- and xiao ming too)
status: Acquintance (yes! u know! that thing which says we're not REALLY FRIENDS. not yet at least)
How it started:
i knew john through a friend of mine, and he was alright.. nothing weird or special about him. (we're still acquintances). before long he got my email add and added me on msn. soon enough, we start chatting online...u could say it was about personal stuff, which could warrant him thinking we're best chums now, but to me, it was nothing personal at all. or maybe i was in a sharing mood tt day. ( still acquintances) and then i started our to notice that convos bordered on melodramatic and emo. tts when i decided i didnt want to constantly chat with someone about how messed up his life is right now, esp when i dun get a shit. not to say tt if my friend started to mess up his life but that i wouldnt give a fuck, but the keyword here is: ACQUINTANCES. so i AM allowed to not care about you.
n so john started to give me the cold shoulder while i remained suspicious. and then suddenly.. one day.. while john was hugging some other randoms, he asked me if i wanted a hug too, just as i was walking away to the library (actually i was like 10 from him by the time he asked) and so i was SMILING n said nahhh.. and i heard him mumble 'bitch'
how it ended: and i wasnt about to question him about it and cause a scene outside the economics room. so i was like :" THATS IT! UR OFF MY ACQUITANCES LIST! ur now on the WEIRD-GUYS-I- WISH-I-NEVER- MET- LIST.
considering ive been nothing but pleasant to him, and have not yet revealed my inner bitch, so he had NO REASON.
at times like this, i really wished i had a boyfriend in the school. and make him do something about this. sort of like how gabby always shouts to carlos :' Carlos! DO something!" Like when the police came to take their baby away.
i remember the times when i used to shout :"hanafi! make me happy!" or " hanafi!! entertain me!"
yes.. you see? what u see is not what u get. outwardly, i appear soft and acomodating ( why are u laughing jo?), but once u get closer to me, u see im not. and its not easy being my boyfriend.
which leaves me absolutely depressed that i wont be able to find another boyfriend in the near future.
fuckity fuck. i need a man in my life.

on CTV

It was 32 degrees. Now it's 13.

The past few days I have just been trying to complete all my holiday homework which I SWEAR I brought to Singapore to do, and then for some reason, found it on my bed at 6am when I reached home on Friday.

The fact that im back to freezing my nipples off in my wonderfully new and lonely house makes me wish I could be back there, fanning myself frantically, complaining about my marred skin, uneven pigmentation, caused by the sun I have not seen in 3 months.

Superficial things first…

Shopping highlights:
timberland sneakers
wedges from Charles and Keith
Black heels from Charles and Keith
summer dress from some shop at Isetan
Dinner dress from Daniel Yam
Red party top from MNG

Happy things next…

My trip was an all round feel good trip. There were many things to be happy about. I spent about 10 days there and yet, I feel I had not eaten enough good food, and had not shopped enough to call myself Lynn. But most of all, I had not met up with as many friends and as many times as I would have liked. I can't believe I didn’t get time to go to Sentosa! I had brought along 2 of my swimsuits! I also didn’t once go to Hyatt for their tomyum soup!
And I wish I got lost on the mrt for the forth time with xiu hui, who has deemed me the Public Transport Jinx, which I thought was extremely fitting. The last time we took the train up the Eunos and before that, Kallang.
Funnily enough, sex was most definitely the topic of my holiday. For one, there was the bugging of yy about his sex life (during the dinner with man, xiu, wx, wl, yy and den and jon at crystal jade). Then there was the swapping of sex notes with xiu and den on wed nite at tcc. Not forgetting my chat with you-know-who.
Met jo at Holland v and after that using here school bag to cover a HUGE stain on my shorts- after frantically trying to watch it off in the coffee shop toilet with it's pathetic soap.
Met fangyi by a stroke of luck (on my part) when I went to the shithole.
Catching up with shing was good too…before I was on CTV that is, half expecting Ashton Kutcher to pop out of nowhere.
And most definitely having my whole family together, under one roof, my bro coming back from no man's land aka Taiwan, and even driving up to KL to see my mum's family that I haven't in like what 6 years?

emotional things last:

that without a doubt had to be meeting hanafi, now affectionately known to his girlfriends at sch as 'police'. Or what not. Meeting him had to be about one of the most confusing things I had to deal with. I mean, what are we already?! sheesh. Talk about The Chronicles of Lynn & Hanafi. Truly, our rship is barely afloat and in the middle of nowhere. I'm thinking Europe…or the Mediterranean.

Which reminds me, I had two consecutive nightmares starring Hanafi.
Nightmare; Saturday night:

I was having my last day in Singapore, and was doing some last min shopping at taka. I called hanafi to come down and meet me for the last time before I fly off. And he did come to meet me. I noticed there was something different about him, but since everything was hazy, (which really is reflecting the state of our rship) I couldn’t quite place my finger on what was different about him. And then it dawned on me.

He had PLUCKED HIS EYEBROWS. Until there was almost nothing left. Knowing me, I went screaming 'WHY You PLUCK UR EYEBROWS? They were so nice before! Now its so ugly!!' but I was in for yet another surprise when I realised that he had grown LONG HAIR! Now, whether he looked hot with it was not the matter. I was devastated. But now when I think about it, I think I was more devastated at not so much his hair, but by the fact that I was losing him. In the sense that he was drifting farther and farther away anymore, and like where's the hanafi I used to know? But anyway, in my dream I blamed all the changes in him on nan, his friend whom we met at taka, for influencing him to a state of no return.

Nightmare; Sunday night:

I was having a ballet lesson in Singapore Poly. Weird, I know, but then again, aren’t all my dreams? Anyway, while I was dancing away, hanafi was standing outside with slut-who-shall-not-be-named (now don't get tounchy Hanafi, it's not personal, I was merely stating a fact) and they were looking inside- at me. and after awhile, I saw they were sniggering at me. and that was when I ran out of the studio, crying.. and finally falling asleep on his school's soccer field.

…and then I woke up, realising it was all a dream.
(classic pri 6 english essay)

now back to the emotional things, I received a very sweet present from who I consider to be my most emo friend, not very emo, but still the most out of the lot- wei long. Emo's not a bad thing. To be honest, while I enjoyed the present very much (no, its not a vibrator) I had a small fear that accompanying it was gonna be a v thoughtful (and emo) message, posing me with questions like "what is our purpose in life, lynn?" But of course, it was nothing but a letter from one 17 year old to another. That's the title of the cd he burnt me by the way.

And last of all to summarise my holiday, I feel awful about what happened to shing and jon on wed nite. They definitely did not receive that kind of treatment and I feel very guilty because, if I rmb correctly, it had been my idea to club, since I always took for granted that since I could get in, they would most likely be able to too. And it never crossed my mind it could get that serious. And as much as it turned out pretty awfully, I would like to look on the bright side and say, well shing, maybe when we're 23, sitting at a bar in Zouk, we'd all look back on this incident and laugh.
And oh, I need a man in my life!

"I wasn't shortchanged because he was a virgin too"

Dream one

I was not exactly clear where I was. It seemed like a shopping centre, some public place, I could not be sure. I had some how offended this evil bomo guy and he was trying to take his revenge on me. my mum was a good bomo, something like a good witch and she was warning me that the evil bomo was coming after me. the next thing I knew I was running away from the evil bomo and was chasing me and trying to shoot some magical potion on me. because everyone in the shopping centre (im guessing) was afraid to get struck by the potion, the entire place went into chaos and I could hear screaming and crying. He was gaining on me. I could feel it. somehow the saw xiu hui ( who suddenly just appeared) running into this shabby hut to hide. He thought that I would be running with her and followed her thinking she would lead him to me. as I saw all this I ran the other way because I knew that if I ran after xiu hui I would surely run into him. So I ran the other way, trying to find hanafi. I ran down the steps and bumped into Farhan (as in xiu hui farhan) and amidst my panic and panting, asked him, " do you still like her?" 'yes,' he said. "well hurry up and try to save her cos the bomo's after her". And with that he hurried towards the direction I was pointing him to. I carried on running down the steps, still frantically trying to get to hanafi to tell him the dangerous situation.
And then I woke up.

Dream Two

I was in Australia, and had was going out with this random faceless guy. We had been going out for quite awhile and he was now trying to persuade me to have sex with him. I was still a virgin (am in real life too) and I didn’t want to give up my virginity to him. When I refused, he tried to force himself on me and that’s when I started to run away. (sounds familiar?)… I kept running and somehow found that I had ran all the way to Westmall Shopping centre in bukit batok, Singapore. When I reached there I was trying to find hanafi (more similarities with dream one) and I somehow hanafi found me. he ran towards me and we hugged. Later hanafi disappeared and I was trying to find the neighbourhood police stationt to report my psychotic boyfriend chasing after me. but somehow I was really confused because the post office and the police station were in the same area and before I got to the post/station, I woke up.

Any dream interpreters? Cos im seeing lotsa similarities.

Onto another topic, I dissected a rat like 3 weeks ago. Ugh! I had to skin in and tear the skin out, that’s after pinning the rat faced up onto my chopping board. And then I had to dig around to locate the pancreas and liver and blah blah. Later we had to extract the entire alimentary canal out and measure the intestines.

Next term we'll b dissecting a sheep's heart, and after that, a bull's eye ball.

Yes, I am still doing biology. Don’t think I can forget you geik cheng.

Other updates:
im going to Giselle!!!!!!! Omgomgomg.
I still cant decide if im happy with my dance partner (for sch musical)
Ive got an urge to take up ballroom dance
I bought a push up bra
I watched Take the Lead and was disappointed.
10 more days till I go back to sg!
which means 10 more days before I see elsa, my bro and dad and sis and all my beloved friends, eat my fav food and cut my disgustingly long hair at far east plaza, go to sentosa, go clubbing, go shopping, wearing skimpy clothes ( I cant do that here, freezing my tits off at 14degrees)
I quite horse riding

How could have forgotten about that forsaken riding instructor of mine who forced me to quite riding. I have been tryin to tolerate her style of teaching which consist of screaming, cursing and insulting students, and telling myself its not personal and that if I want to be a rider, a good one, I need someone like her to push me. not long after that I started to dread sat mornings and having to go for class. But the breaking point came one sat when she kept asking me for a 'bend right' but my horse kept bending left and no matter how I tried to pull my right rein it didn’t work. I thought that if I calmed down and explain to her that im trying but it isn’t working, she tell me nicely what I can do better. She replied saying that I wasn’t even pulling my right rein at all, not doing anything, just sitting there bobbing around. My right arm from my fingers all the way to my shoulder blade was hurting form pulling. I resented that she did not even recognise my effort. That was it. after the class, I walked straight up to her and said;" alex wynmalen, ur teaching style SUCKS and ur basically a shit for insulting all ur students telling them their 'shit' and to get their 'rotten hands' back at the saddle, you have made me hate riding, something used to love. You should try some understanding and reasoning that miracles canNOT happen in the arena and rome wasn’t built in a day, I cant turn into a super rider over night. Therefore, ur SACKED! GET OUTTA MY SIGHT!'

Unfortunately I was too chicken..(she actually scares me) .. so the convo went more like this, 'hey lex! I donnt know when Ill next be riding cos I got exams now and after that im going back to Singapore.. so.. yeah..(what? It was the truth)..but when I next want to ride ill give you a call (over my dead body).."

And thats is how Lynn Woo stopped riding after 6 years.

About the push up bra.. ok, you might not be able to believe this, I went from 'well endowed' to 'nothing much' since I left sg and came here. I am a victim under the influence of what I see everyday at school. So I went to a shopping centre to try to look to a push up. I found 3. the first one didn’t really fit me well.. the second one was really a good push up bra, too good that when I wore it, I looked like some freak with weirdly large boobs, the last one was not so 'in ur face' so I bought that one. Now I regret it cos it doesn’t really push up that much, so it doesn’t make much of a different.

List of things I want to eat when I get home, from top most priority":
the noodles opp Mustafa shopping centre
xo fish head noodles at Holland v/west coast
long john!!!!!!!!!
tom yum and soft shell crab at Hyatt
five star/boon tong kee chicken rice
jiam pong from taka food court
jap spicy noodle from westmall foodcrtlaksa from westmall foodcrt.

a healthy dose of

Let me begin this entry with a complaint:

I went for an excursion to another school today. On the consent from, it said for students to wear "winter uniform". And that was exactly what I wore. My winter skirt, long sleeve shirt, tie and jumper. When I reached the destination and alighted the bus with my friends, the teacher-in-charge goes: 'WHO IS THAT WITHOUT A BLAZER?'
'It's me, I didn’t know we had to wear our blazers'
'It was said on the form! Whenever we go for an excursion, we wear our blazers'
'this is my first excursion so I didn’t know "winter uniform" automatically meant plus blazers'
'O, so you're new. Alright, I forgive you, but next time, don't do it again'
…
like what the hell? That was my first unpleasant encounter with a teacher here. Like what the fuck do they call blazers in summer? Purple overalls? Eggplant suits? Seriously! (we actually do wear blazers for occasions in summer)

My life has been pretty busy so far. Mostly dancing and moving house. Nothing much to write about except…

I now have become what hanafi used to be: a drifter. Hanafi was always drifting from one grp of friends to another and never had the One grp of friends. Well, I have only been here for a term and a half so I don’t expect anything. There are definitely some good points to being a drifter.

O, and the excursion I went to was the most boring-est thing ever! But my English teacher, ms taylor (the one who made coffee for me) was so excited about it. when we went back to sch at the end she was like "wasn't that fantastic?" she was so happy I couldn’t bear to break her heart so I said :"yeah!!"
Talk about farce.

im so starved for porn. i used to get a healthy dose of it. but since my new house does not have a computer/internet connection, i have to rely on my school laptop, which is secured. the compensation is tt i have a new tv in my room, n i can watch blue french films late into the night. even when its not interesting i force myself to watch it just because. because im been deprived for 4 years in SIngapore, n because i cant get it on the net.

handicapped by my mascara

My week has been short but unbelievably busy. I returned to sch on Wednesday after a long easter break. I had a 2000 essay due on thurs and an economics test on fri. on wed night I volunteered to help out at the info desk for debating night and help to do timing in the debate. That was cool and I went home at 9 plus so that means I couldn’t complete my essay ( which amounted to 3500 words by the time I did). Thursday I had ballet after sch which means I either study for my test on fri or try to complete my essay. I didn’t do either and went to slp. I woke up early fri morn in attempt to study my test. So anyway the test was so so.. I didn’t really noe how to draw the graph for the 'function of price' question but oh well. My friend asked me to go down to the city with her aft fri to shop for shoes but I decline cos I just wanted to hurry home to complete my essay. And then at lunch on fri, my dance teacher goes to me:' lynn can you come after sch from 4- 7pm cos there's a ballet part I want you to dance in the senior sch musical'. 'ok!' was wat I said. So I was there from 4 –6, then the theatre instructor said dance was going to carry on through the night. So I came home for dinner (since my mum alr cooked) and went back to sch at 7 30.

So back to debating night on Wednesday, I was at the info counter when my eng teacher, ms taylor, who's co-in-charge of debate came to me and saw me doing my eng essay. "I'm trying to do ur work! Dun worry, I'm towards the end", I said. "oh! You should get an extension for being here tonight!" was her reply. No if you thought that was nice….five minutes later she comes up to me and my friend at the info desk and goes " do you guys wanna come up to the staff room for coffee and biscuits? No? oh! I'll bring some for you down here!" 'ok!', I said. "wat would you like? Cream? No cream? Sugar? One? Two?'' – how nice was that? Compared to sg teachers! I almost teared.

And on fri, I saw ms taylor at sch again, and I was like 'I promise I'll send it (the essay im overdue) to you soon!' cos I felt so bad she was so nice to me but im procrastinating her work. And she said " oh dun worry! Just whenever ur ready!… I wont b able to finish marking all of them at once anyway" how nice! WHENEVER UR READY. Which made me feel worse. I was gonna do it on fri aft sch but dance thing came up so I did in on sat morning and sent it to her with an apology.

So anyway, debating was fun but stressful cos I had to time each speaker and present the debate saying :'gd evening ladies and gents welcome to tonights debate. The topic for tonight is blah blah and the affirmative team is Wesley college. The negative team is blah blah' and I had to knock the desk when each speaker reached 6 mins and knock twice at 8 mins.

My sis came from sg today and im v happy to have her here. She liked the house, it was her first time seeing it. We went for a huge Korean dinner which was really yummy but I was so full.

oh yes. i lost my lancome mascara n i feel seriously handicapped and disadvantaged!

the mrt spoilt me

Im meeting a friend in melb city tmr and I just KNOW im gonna get lost. Melb transport system is seriously primitive its not funny.

Don’t ask how my ringworm is.

Ten commandments and passion of Christ was on tv yesterday since it was easter sunday. Im pulling my out just listening to so much godly.. stuff..

The tilers tiling my driveway are brothers. Very cute Lebanese brothers. I found myself perving down one of the brother's shirt for a better glimpse. Have I told you how hanafi is SUPER understanding?

this easter, god gave me eyebrows

I've been inspired by my dear friend shing's courage to tell the world about her piles. So I'll tell you now that I have ringworm on my back the size of a 50-cent coin. Its getting much better now and thank god it wont leave scar. Which reminds of the time xh fell down and was so disturbed that her scab would leave a scar…

Oh yes! Let me update you on how my eyebrow dying went… if uve seen me often enough you'd realise that I don’t have eyebrows.. or rather they cant be seen from 1 metre away.. or you might have heard me whining about my eyebrows or rather, the lack thereof. Anyway.. I bought this eyebrow dye kit and dyed my eyebrows a darker shade so that they can be seen. My mum helped my apply the dye and now that its successful, she calls my eyebrows her 'masterpiece'

Moving into my brand new home has been delayed cos the when the stupid builder said it'll be ready by the 20th, he didn’t include easter and anzac holidays on which the workers don’t work.. so it has been pushed back to end of the month.

My toilet is looking really good.. although at first when it wasn’t done up completely it looked so bad I wanted to cry.. why does it have to be my toilet?? ..when it could have been my bro's or parent's. my toilet is white, black and red.. im gonna have a steamer/massager thing..my mum has a spa in her ginormous toilet.. its almost as big as her room which is quite sad.. another cool feature we're having is a heated towel rack. Like the rack you hang your towel on is now electrically heated so that in winter we can wrap ourselves in a warm towel when we come out of the shower.

Yesterday I went tv shopping with my mum at Harvey Norman. O did I tell you that my dad bought me a flatscreen? As in to put in my room. N im so fucking excited cos ive never had a tv in my room before and since im in koalaland I can actually watch the Rated shows at night w/o any disturbances..like having to switch the channel when my parents come into the room..n pretending im not incredibly aroused at that point of time…

My sis n dad are coming next sat so im excited about that too..

Ive been annoying my mum about hanafi over the last few days, it cracks me up so badly everytime. knowing how much she just adoooores hanafi….i'll always say random things about hanafi and she'll getting really agitated she'll keep quiet suddenly and frown.. after a few moments..:' forget about him la… pleeease.. move on la..'
Whenever she nags at me to clean up my room, I'll just chant :" MA-LAY, MA-LAY, MA-LAY!!!' and she'll get so pissed off and walk outta my room and stop bothering me to clean my room.. sometimes I just use it to tease her cos its funny to see her get so upset over sth so small..

Some girls have a thing for skaters, surfers, nerds, musicians, breakers, jocks, bad boys, etc etc..

I have a thing for hot guys who wear spectacles (does not apply to chinese). Dun look at me funny! At least im not into scat.
I also have a thing for hot older guys (25-35 or so) to carry a baby/toddler.. awwww! Doesn’t it just warm ur heart?
If I see a hot older guy carrying a baby AND wearing specs I'll turn into lobster bisque.

are u sco ish?

As part of school syllabus curriculum, Im required to do 50 hrs of sport, 50hrs of service( to the community) and 50 hrs of creativity, over a span of 2 yrs. Im presently doing sch dance and ballet for creativity and horse riding for sport. For service, I'm attached to my sch's junior school (reminder: my sch's from kindergarten to jc2) to help them with art class during my spare periods. So anyway I went down to junior school today and it was awesome! They were grade 2's were totally in awe of us, ( I went down with eddie and elle) and it was cool cos we were all wearing purple but very different cos our age gap is pretty wide. And I started to bask in the kids' innocence.
Their art thing was on the theme 'Walkabilty in Monash' (monash being cos our municipality). They were supposed to draw ppl walking, promoting a healthy lifestyle and stuff…so this boy was drawing a sun and said to me…

'the sun is a boy cos its hot and the pond is a girl cos its cool'

how cuuuute was that? Obviously the boy has very cleverly observed that boys tend to be more rough and playful whereas girls were more genteel and soft…

this girl asked me when we were next coming back to help them in art class. I was like " I come fortnightly, so its not next Friday, its next next Friday' another boy asked when he heard me, " but isn’t that lucky Friday?"

"you mean Good Friday? ( good Friday is a public holiday here)
"yes. Its lucky Friday cos we don’t have to go to school'

how adorable! Omg.. and he actually rmbed the day we have a public holiday! How cute!

Another boy was like " James ( his friend) says boys are better than girls. I didn’t say that, he did. But I believe his theory' ….he actually said 'theory'.

And when I asked 'can someone pass me the green marker?' all of them rushed to get it for me… well not all of them.. but I thought it was appropriate to add that detail.

All the girls were like " are you allowed to let ur hair down (in Senior Sch)? We aren’t allowed to do that…. Why are you wearing a non-wesley headband? Why do you have nail polish on (elle had nail polish)….omg they were adorable..
Then when the teacher asked " ok! Who's ready to go?'
And all of them sat up so straight their backs arched and kept quiet. It was too cute!

Moving on, I performed a dance for sch assembly with others who r involved in the sch dance troupe thing. It was international week so we had a mix of a chinese fan dance, an indian dance and belly dance. I choreographed the fan dance from what I could rmb from css chinese dance society hahaha.. but belly dance was hard.. I was looking at my ass going " cmon butt! You can do this!shake!" and eddie was like (pointing to her chest)" oh dun worry.. these babies can shake' lol.. eddie is Jessica Edmunds but ppl here like to call you by ur last name n hers got shortened to eddie.

Omg I wached V for vendetta on Tuesday.. and OMFG it was the awesomest shit ever!!!!!! Its about.. its about!…. awww I dun wanna spoil it for you!I seriously recommend everyone to watch it- you wont regret it I promise.. if you do.. there's seriously sth wrong with u..

My sch uniform shop is ridiculous. Ok.. you noe how CSS has the bear toy in the blue uniform.. my sch as a lion beanie and it actually looks really good.. the kind you find at Palms in Singapore..they have a Wesley umbrella, Wesley pen, Wesley scarf(which im going to buy next week cos 16 degrees is freezing my booger into ice), Wesley table cloth (most likely for mums), Wesley photo album, Wesley hair band, Wesley mug, wallet, pencil case,etc.. so you can imagine every single thing is in purple n gold..

Winter uniform switch over is on easter but I'll be switching next week. My camera is spoilt so unfortunately I cant take pics of my uniform n friends ( now that I actually have friends to take pics with) yet.

radius; radii. stimulus;stimuli. mucous; mucai

Here are some of my school rules:

Girls in Senior school are allowed to wear light and natural make up.
Girls are not allowed to wear diamond/pearl studs (which seems to be very popular in my school).
Boys in Middle and Senior school are allowed one stud per lobe.
Boys' hair should be off the collar in length. Sideburns should not exceed the bottom of the ear. Hair radius must not be more than 5 cm (a lot of guys have afros and really curly hair)

In CSS, the official sideburn length was half the ear but there were guys trying to get away with sideburns right to their lobes. So you can imagine that since the official length here is the lobe, some guys have sideburns to their jaw or more. Personally I'm thrilled because I'm a fan of sideburns (on guys that is- and not the Elvis kind either).

I used to dance 4 times a week, ride once and have tuition twice. Now I dance twice a week and ride once. It's only recently that I resumed my activities since I stopped dancing for O's and it took awhile to find a riding and ballet school. Now that I've done that im so glad to be back in my dance shoes. Of course I don't have tuition anymore ever since I moved here and became a genius.

Last night a voted on the Channel Nine news website supporting the permission of marriage of gays. Gays/lesbians should be allowed to unite in holy matrimony. BUT, I don't think they should be allowed to adopt children simply because no child should have to experience possible discrimination he/she doesn’t even understand and it would be depriving the child of a normal, ideal family.

OMG this is sooooo scary!. My mum and dad had a fight over the phone (my mum being in aussieland and my dad being in sg) about what im not too sure, but get this- the way she spoke to my dad when they were fighting was Exactly the way I speak to hanafi when we fight! When I was overhearing the covo I seriously freaked out cos im hearing what I sound like..except its my mum! How weird was that?!

Losing It

Losing It

When would a girl know she's ready? I've asked myself that at least a couple of times and while most people would say 'you'd just know' as though I'm a bloody shrink, the answer to that question is that you wouldn't know until after you've lost it.

This is how it works:
So you've lost it to your guy. Assuming he was still there the next morning when u wake up, tells you he had a most wonderful night, comforts you a little bit for your loss and gets up to make you breakfast. There could be two scenarios:

1) You start sobbing. You feel you've let the whole world down and how you'd ever be able to hold up head up high is unimaginable. You start to fret u might get pregnant. In this situation you still cannot find out if you were actually ready. Unless…
i. He sees you're really shaken up about it and tries to comfort you. He reassures you that he loves you and he wasn't just in it for the sex and will stick around. You believe him and start to smile and relax. If you're lucky, he stays true to his word. Only then you would know you were ready, emotionally mature enough to handle it, maybe just a little shaken by the experience and needed time to calm down.
ii. He sees you're really shaken up about it and tries to comfort you. 'DON'T TOUCH ME YOU BASTARD', you say, and run out of the room to your mother, spill the beans, get disowned and sign up for counselling/group therapy. He is left confused as a few hours ago you were saying: 'YES YES! TOUCH ME THERE NOW!' Only then you would know you weren't ready.

2) You say to yourself: 'that was a good experience. Pleasure has a price'. And you get up to cuddle and eat the breakfast he's made. Your relationship goes on fine and break up months later not because of this issue. Only then would you know you were ready. Readier than girl from Scenario 1i).

And what of girls who lost their cherry to the odd guy? Well, first that is a silly silly thing to do. If…(this is assuming the odd guy won't be sticking around for the next sunrise)

1). You say to yourself:' Hell yeah!' You would be sure you were ready. Maybe even too ready. Too ready to respect your cherry.

2). Scenario 1ii) repeats except for the bit where he tries to comfort you. You feel worse because you realise you don't even know his last name and his name could have been spelt John or Jon or Jonathan. You wouldn't know if you were truly ready because the experience might have been different if it was a different guy, if it was a boyfriend so you won't feel like such a slut.
This is why what happens immediately after sex or what not is crucial.

Sex- it's taunting you and teasing you. How daring are you? How much are you willing to risk? How boring are you? How exciting? It does that because you don't know the answers to these questions until you've tried it and you want to find out. It's an IQ test. It tells you whether you’re a bright girl who chose the right guy, or a dim one, who chose a wrong one. It's a personality test: are you a slut or not? It’s a test of how much your family loves you.

And what of guys? I'd say they are ready anytime from the age of 0 onwards.

How would a girl ensure that she wouldn’t feel like crap after losing it? How could you ensure you wouldn't feel cheated after having sex for the first time? I have often asked myself if there was a way to protect myself from the emotional trauma after my membrane tears. Well, there is a way: the Bunny.

Instead of losing your virginity to a guy who might really be a jerk, you could lose it to yourself. As you turn the Bunny on to 'low', you know that you aren’t giving your cherry to a guy whom you might never see again. In a strange way, because you lose your virginity to yourself, you keep it with you even after you lose it. It's like keeping the family heirloom within the family. Although it is a waste of cherry to be given to a pink rubber toy.

The bottom line is, some girls are lucky, some aren't. If you happen to be one of the unlucky ones, tough.

being with you and in you

I just received the Commonwealth Sec yearbook of 2005 and I'm going into full-gear bitching.

Dearest mrs teo, I know u have speech defect that is really quite humiliating for our school, but I didn’t realise you had eyesight defects too. The school logo and heading on the yearbook cover is not centralised. You know, centralised? It's a common style for a heading on a cover of a book. In fact it’s the only socially accepted one.

To the rest of the people who put their hearts and soul into the publishing of the yearbook, you should b ashamed of yourself. The picture quality is so horrible, one would think it was from 1960, when the first colour pictures were discovered or made available.

The main thing about yearbooks is the picture. Mainly, the class photos. We don't give a shit about how much money the parent-teacher-network raised, or how old and saggy the principle is. Even being a computer illiterate myself, I have heard of something called 'blowing up the picture', have you? FUCKING BLOW UP THE CLASS PHOTOS COS WE CANT SEE SHIT. And what were u thinking with the sweet colourful stars beside our class photos?! This is not 1996 neoprints.

This batch of o level students has produced by far one of the best results in years and this is what you give us- an F grade yearbook! And don't even think we'd forget that you wanted to have our formal in the school canteen you ungrateful assholes.

at the rate this principle is pushing the school, without giving back to the students something worth remembering, css students are going to graduate with 6 a1s but when they step out of the blue uniform, they'd smile and be glad for it.

self mutilation

i cut myself today. didnt noe what i was thinking. afterward i realised it was a stupid thing to do... ...

i left my shaver with a bar of soap. some bits of the soap got stuck between the blades. i decided to clean it, to try to get the soap out. i pressed my thumb into the blade and slid across the blade, hoping to get the soap out.

bleed bleed bleed...

MOOMMMMYY!!!! PLASTER!!!!!

since child abuse was legal

i had a debate with my mum about whether child abuse (parents canning/ slapping their children to discipline them) is legal.
mum: john (the architect of my new hse) asked me if in Singapore, parents are allowed to cane/ slap their children.
me: what did u say?
mum: yes, of course!
me: ( very shocked) OH MY GOD! its soooo not!
mum: it is.
me: its just cos EVERYbody does it anyway thats why u think its okay n its legal when in fact it is not.
mum: it is. if the child can be disciplined by just scolding, thats good. but most of the time, they wont listen.
me: exactly! CHILD. this word gives children the right to not know right from wrong. they're only children.
mum: no. some of them r v rebellious and u have to slap them
me: (i start to defend myself now bcos i know my mum thinks tt im v rebellious and has wanted to slap me before) alot of kids who have never been abused turn up just fine. it how their brought up and taught.tts why u cant lay hands on a child in sch bcos it's in the public eye but it occurs in domestic homes cos no one reports the parents! if i reported u, u'd b in jail by now.
mum: its cos the kids at the school arent the children of the teachers but if the child is urs, the child is yours to discipline.
me: OH MY GOD. ITS SOOOOOOOOO NOT LEGAL.



since when was child abuse legal? since child abuse was legal.


never.