'the lover's game' is the title of the one of the dances im doing for the school musical.
anyway, i read shing's blog just like 3 seconds ago... and read this bit about how she wants to go to tioman with ivan (i would so kill to go to a place like tt with hanafi, alone), but he will only take her if she loses her tummy or something like tt. well. dear ivan, all i have to say it that you are losing major brownie points from shing's dear friend Lynn. shing, can u imagine what he would say to his wife after 12 hours of gruelling labour? "OMG! LOOK AT UR STRECHMARKS! SO NOT GOING TO BED WITH U UNTILL U DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT"
i also read weilong's blog n found that that 20 people thing is pretty cool so id do it too.
1. wei long
2. hanafi
3. xiuhui
4. jo
5. shing
6. den
7. man
8. yy
9. sarah
10. sam
11. sitian
12. trixia
13. qi min
14. rachel
15. nick
16. nic
17. al
18. fang yi
19. brendan
20. ivan (shing's)
how u met 14: rachel. well, rach is in my bio and eng class n we got closer through the musical.
what would you do if u never met 1.: wei long. ohno! tt would be bad! he's such a great guy, definately one of my closest guy friends.. although he describes me as a regret in his life. i dont really wanna be seen as a regret in someone's life but hey, id b missing out if i didnt meet him.
what if 9 and 20 dated?: OMG. sarah and ivan! pure coincidence i swear! lol! well, for one, there would be one very evil pontianak called Shing, who would haunt her ex-besty. for two, sarah and ivan would be the funniest thing ever. for three, there would be a very free new man called chee mun. (or was it chee man?)
would 6 and 17 make a good couple?: al and den? assuming they were both lesbians...no. den would probably hate al since al would annoy the shit outta her.
describe 3: xiuhui. well xiuxiu is my bestest friend, for me to call in the middle of the night n cry or whine. if i was a guy id definately date her. slighty eccentric, full of fun and laughter, makin a joke of my family's breakdown, doesnt take life too seriously, always saving money to spend it, holding out for mr jap-right, always thinking of new ways to cut her hair.
is 8 attractive?: yenyu. hmmm.. he was #8 for weilong's thing too. anyway. dear yy has a face and heart that definately is favourable for attracting the opposite sex. however, true friends would tell him there is room for imporvement in the 'art of seduction' area.
describe 7.: man. Mandric Tan is a joker, great immiatator of all the people he hates (think vilau), very inclined to the field of music, great friend, great company. although sometimes people think he's 'kaobei' but i dont really mind. in fact, that's probably his version of my bitchiness. loves mandric.
do u noe 12's family members?: trixia. no.
what would you do if 18 confesses she/he likes u? fangyi! lol! haha..it'd b a good laugh, and very awkward.
what language does 15 speak? nick. english, maybe abit of italian since that's his background. but i think he does spanish at sch.
who is 14 going out with?: rachel is going out with lachy hausser.
how old is 16?nic is 16.
when was the last time u spoke to 13?: qimin. lightyears ago.
who is 2's fav band/singer?: hanafi. he has lots, no specific one.
would u ever date 4? jo. if i was a guy, yes.
is 13 single? qimin? who knows?
is 19 your good friend? brendan? we're okay.
what is 10's last name? sam. rowe.
would you be in a rship with 11? sitian.no, she's such a sweet girl but if i was a guy/lesbian, not really my type.
school of 3? xiuhui. republic poly
6's address: jo.jurong east, opp the school. or sth
fav thing about 5?: she never says anything bad about anyone.
ever seen 2 naked before?:hanafi. yes, actually.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
hips do lie
shakira should fire her dance choreograher. hips don' lie is a good song but have u seen the music video?
everything is does has no flow, no theme. nothing. its just random shaking of body parts. she looks so confused. some actions had a tinge of rnb shit.. and then most of it was mexican-y... and then some of it was hiphop. and then the rest was trying to smother her chest to the screen. it was almost a pain to watch the video. of course this is from a female dancer's point of view.
everything is does has no flow, no theme. nothing. its just random shaking of body parts. she looks so confused. some actions had a tinge of rnb shit.. and then most of it was mexican-y... and then some of it was hiphop. and then the rest was trying to smother her chest to the screen. it was almost a pain to watch the video. of course this is from a female dancer's point of view.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
what its like to be me.
What it's like to be me, when it comes to hanafi.
All this while, with hanafi and even before that.. whenever I heard of some pitiful girl not being able to forget her boyfriend.. I'd always think- weakling. Of course you can forget him! Geez! No one has discipline and determination these days!…
Up until now.
And as much as I don't wallow in self-pity, I consider my situation rather pathetic.
Every night I make a long distance call. Not because I want to. Well, sometimes because I want to… but most of the time, its because I have to. The call lasts averagely one minute. Ever since his phone bill with "overseas call" written all over it skyrocketed, we had to limit my calls (yes-my calls, not his, not ours. Cos im always the one calling. He's always the one saying he has to go) to about a minute. On lucky days I might be able to entice him into a 3 minute conversation.
Very much like wham-bam-thank you-mam. Mostly lasting 5 mintues, if im lucky, he might go for 10.
But I don't blame him. He cant answer for the hundreds of dollars worth of overseas calls, when we would speak on the phone for about almost an hour, well aware but willing to push aside the impending doom of the phone bill. On the other hand, my mum hardly questions me about my phone bill. And when she does, she knows its hanafi keeping me up at night when we’re on the phone, or not on the phone. She knows cos she can hear me giggling or sobbing or both.. and then I'd tell her defiantly, " mum! Trust me on this one ok?! Im slowly getting over it, in my own way" What a liar, I'd think to myself. Im screwed. So very screwed. you don't know what its like. To talk to someone every night, into the wee hours of daylight on weekends, for over two years. And then suddenly to not have that privilege, that luxury, that right ripped from you.
And then sometimes when im feeling brave and happily single, I psycho myself saying over and over again :' you don’t need him.. you cant have him. You need someone new in ur life.someone new in ur life. Someone new in ur life'
And then there are those times when I missed the familiarity, the security, the love and joy I had before. The voice that translates into a lullaby (im not trying to write a romance novel but I literally do call him when I have trouble sleeping cos his voice helps me sleep. More so than puts me to sleep). And then it gets so bad it becomes a hole in my life.. if not my heart.
On the 11th of every month my phone alarm goes off reminding me it’s the anniversary.. now to be fair, I would have forgotten if I didn’t have an alarm. But that was the thing. I don’t want to forget. Im scared to. And then id start to think how long we would have been together by now. And then I wonder if he forgot. And then as I bordered on self-pity, I start to think… 7 month since we officially broke up. And look where we still are. We can't go on like this forever. i can't.
and then there's the thought of him moving on before i do.another girl in his arms.
All this while, with hanafi and even before that.. whenever I heard of some pitiful girl not being able to forget her boyfriend.. I'd always think- weakling. Of course you can forget him! Geez! No one has discipline and determination these days!…
Up until now.
And as much as I don't wallow in self-pity, I consider my situation rather pathetic.
Every night I make a long distance call. Not because I want to. Well, sometimes because I want to… but most of the time, its because I have to. The call lasts averagely one minute. Ever since his phone bill with "overseas call" written all over it skyrocketed, we had to limit my calls (yes-my calls, not his, not ours. Cos im always the one calling. He's always the one saying he has to go) to about a minute. On lucky days I might be able to entice him into a 3 minute conversation.
Very much like wham-bam-thank you-mam. Mostly lasting 5 mintues, if im lucky, he might go for 10.
But I don't blame him. He cant answer for the hundreds of dollars worth of overseas calls, when we would speak on the phone for about almost an hour, well aware but willing to push aside the impending doom of the phone bill. On the other hand, my mum hardly questions me about my phone bill. And when she does, she knows its hanafi keeping me up at night when we’re on the phone, or not on the phone. She knows cos she can hear me giggling or sobbing or both.. and then I'd tell her defiantly, " mum! Trust me on this one ok?! Im slowly getting over it, in my own way" What a liar, I'd think to myself. Im screwed. So very screwed. you don't know what its like. To talk to someone every night, into the wee hours of daylight on weekends, for over two years. And then suddenly to not have that privilege, that luxury, that right ripped from you.
And then sometimes when im feeling brave and happily single, I psycho myself saying over and over again :' you don’t need him.. you cant have him. You need someone new in ur life.someone new in ur life. Someone new in ur life'
And then there are those times when I missed the familiarity, the security, the love and joy I had before. The voice that translates into a lullaby (im not trying to write a romance novel but I literally do call him when I have trouble sleeping cos his voice helps me sleep. More so than puts me to sleep). And then it gets so bad it becomes a hole in my life.. if not my heart.
On the 11th of every month my phone alarm goes off reminding me it’s the anniversary.. now to be fair, I would have forgotten if I didn’t have an alarm. But that was the thing. I don’t want to forget. Im scared to. And then id start to think how long we would have been together by now. And then I wonder if he forgot. And then as I bordered on self-pity, I start to think… 7 month since we officially broke up. And look where we still are. We can't go on like this forever. i can't.
and then there's the thought of him moving on before i do.another girl in his arms.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
FIFA world cup finals 2006
ok...being me, i only go soccer crazy once every 4 yrs. but when that time comes, i go reallycrazy. i woke up this morning at 5am to watch the second half of the finals...
i finally figured out why soccer players wear jearseys with their respective number printed in HUGE font at the back. its so that when girls like me and jo watch matches and we don't know the exact name of the players, we can still go "OMG!!!no. 20 from france is soooooooooo hot!" or like.. "no. 10 from france is like the cutest player ever!!!" (i actually know its my baby zidane). and like " no. 10 from sweden!!!! did u noe he's a CK model?" (it might actually be no.
i also realised that soccer is a very sexual game. how many times have u heard the commentator go say things like "cannot perform", "rises to the occasion", "delivers his potential", "...and he SCORES!!!!!!" see what i mean? and u cant blame me of having sexual thoughts while watching world cup finals.. i mean.. there was zidane running around, sweating, zidane injuring his shoulder, zidane wiping sweat from his eyes, zidane shouting, zidane drinking water/powerade, zidane headbutting the italian...WHAT!! DID EVERYONE SEE WHAT I JUST SAW??! omg.. i cant believe he did that! how could u?!!!u stupid stupid sexy idiot!! just because he said something bad about me didnt mean u could react so violently! france could have won if u were in the shoot out.
but i forgive him.. i mean.. look at him!!! he's 100% sex appeal. i even let down my grudge against France for beating Brazil.. this has to be true love.
and no matter what they say ronaldo, i think u look cute chubby. *plays you're beautiful by christina aguilera in my head*
now that ive got all my soccer fantasies well n truly brewing in my head... i should have encourage hanafi to play more soccer n be a star.
why we love soccer players:
1. they can go for hours. over 90 minutes to be exact
2. they get random errections while playing (this is according to jo.. and her high defination 1000 inch tv)
3. if they can devote so much time and effort and dedication in 90 mintues chasing a ball, imagine how easy it'll be in bed... no problem in the concentration/stamina department.
4. they look too cute and pityful when they get injured and r in pain...
5. its cute that they try to control their emotions when they lose/get a red card.
6. its touching when they cry when they lose.
7. the get paid like a trillion bucks per week.
zidane and lynn forever!
i finally figured out why soccer players wear jearseys with their respective number printed in HUGE font at the back. its so that when girls like me and jo watch matches and we don't know the exact name of the players, we can still go "OMG!!!no. 20 from france is soooooooooo hot!" or like.. "no. 10 from france is like the cutest player ever!!!" (i actually know its my baby zidane). and like " no. 10 from sweden!!!! did u noe he's a CK model?" (it might actually be no.
i also realised that soccer is a very sexual game. how many times have u heard the commentator go say things like "cannot perform", "rises to the occasion", "delivers his potential", "...and he SCORES!!!!!!" see what i mean? and u cant blame me of having sexual thoughts while watching world cup finals.. i mean.. there was zidane running around, sweating, zidane injuring his shoulder, zidane wiping sweat from his eyes, zidane shouting, zidane drinking water/powerade, zidane headbutting the italian...WHAT!! DID EVERYONE SEE WHAT I JUST SAW??! omg.. i cant believe he did that! how could u?!!!u stupid stupid sexy idiot!! just because he said something bad about me didnt mean u could react so violently! france could have won if u were in the shoot out.
but i forgive him.. i mean.. look at him!!! he's 100% sex appeal. i even let down my grudge against France for beating Brazil.. this has to be true love.
and no matter what they say ronaldo, i think u look cute chubby. *plays you're beautiful by christina aguilera in my head*
now that ive got all my soccer fantasies well n truly brewing in my head... i should have encourage hanafi to play more soccer n be a star.
why we love soccer players:
1. they can go for hours. over 90 minutes to be exact
2. they get random errections while playing (this is according to jo.. and her high defination 1000 inch tv)
3. if they can devote so much time and effort and dedication in 90 mintues chasing a ball, imagine how easy it'll be in bed... no problem in the concentration/stamina department.
4. they look too cute and pityful when they get injured and r in pain...
5. its cute that they try to control their emotions when they lose/get a red card.
6. its touching when they cry when they lose.
7. the get paid like a trillion bucks per week.
zidane and lynn forever!
hypotheticals
to answer my last hypothetical qustion, i'd say i'd go for the loveless but faithful relationship. being in that kind of a rship would be hard, but then finding out that all we shared was a lie would b harder.
my two fetishes in life are: shoes & lingerie.
there was a sale at Myer today, and i went lingerie shopping crazy. i took at least 25 pieces into the fitting room. i have to admit i was embarassed by the huge pile of bras i was taking into the fitting room. since it was a sale, i was comforted by the fact that other ladies in the queue were holding a small pile of their own as well. i spent about 15 whole minutes in the fitting room, and bought 5 bras. considering that i took about 25 into the fitting room, i tried on the bras at superman speed. tried on one, twirled around, zapped it off, and threw it onto the floor, in its respective pile: makes my boobs look weird, maybe, yes o yes!
i was so excited by the purchase of my bras, that i suddenly had an urge to go take a dump.
my two fetishes in life are: shoes & lingerie.
there was a sale at Myer today, and i went lingerie shopping crazy. i took at least 25 pieces into the fitting room. i have to admit i was embarassed by the huge pile of bras i was taking into the fitting room. since it was a sale, i was comforted by the fact that other ladies in the queue were holding a small pile of their own as well. i spent about 15 whole minutes in the fitting room, and bought 5 bras. considering that i took about 25 into the fitting room, i tried on the bras at superman speed. tried on one, twirled around, zapped it off, and threw it onto the floor, in its respective pile: makes my boobs look weird, maybe, yes o yes!
i was so excited by the purchase of my bras, that i suddenly had an urge to go take a dump.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Lynn's guide to life
everyone would have to, at some point of their lives, dump someone. and when someone reaches this point in their life, they would have to face the breakup pep talk.
examples:
"oh john! its not you! its me!"
the classic 'its not you its me'
"john.. you're a great guy...too great even. i don't deserve you. i deserve someone so much better than me"
the 'im not good enough for you' speech
"john...its obvious we not working out...we are going our seperate ways.. but we'd still be friends!"
the 'we'd be better off without each other" conclusion
there are many others... no doubt, creative, orginal, innovative ones are always appreciated. maybe something like :"my grandmother's sick and bedridden (is tt one word or two?).. i have to move to Zimbabwe to nurse her. so i guess we cant see each other anymore. and oh yes-there's no phone/internet connection there.
as you can see, we always try to soften the blow. and rightly so. this bring me to my next point. and if u haven't already noticed i am writing this from a girl's point of view. there are only a few things tt warrant you to not try to soften the blow. (this is ranked)
1) he cheats on you
2) he pressures you to have sex, and even gets anrgy when you say no.
3)he disses you behind your back, to his friends.
i bring this topic up because no. 2) has happened to someone i know. n she cracked her brain on how to soften the blow. supernice of her of course. but again, she didnt have to.
however, the focus now is on no. 1).
im watching One Hour Photo now, an academy award film starring Robbin Williams.
to sum it up, robbin willaims is syg, who develops pictures at a photo shop in a shopping centre. there's a family of three, mum, dad n son, who develop their photos at this photos shop, and have been doing so for the past like..decade. so basically he becomes obsessed with this family (he has none) and has like a shrine of all their pictures.. and they all look happy in jovial, a picture perfect family. one day this random lady with long red hair comes to dvp her photos. and as he develops it, he sees the husband of that family(the bastard) with the lady with long red hair girl (the slut) acting intimately together. he gets really anrgy and hurt, i assume its becasue he really took to the family and feels hurt for them. and takes revenge for the wife by breaking into a hotel room the bastard and slut were sharing in the middle of them having sex. he comes in with a dagger and forces them to have sex.. and basically the slut's like crying n shaking n shit.. n im going :"yeah!! u deserve tt bitch!!!! he's a married man!!! suck on that slut!"
the point im trying to make is that cheating on someone is one thing. cheating and getting caught is whole new thing.
as much as i hope and pray almost every alternate day that my marriage would be like those in romance books, the undying love, im also hestitant to say that i would never cheat on my husband, EVER. i mean, who knows??
now i might say something like that now because it is against my morals, but what if the undying love, well, doesnt die, but goes into like a temporary coma? i hate to see myself as someone who might cheat on her husband. i would rather be oblivious and naive and just dreamily and haughtily say Never Ever would i do something like that, and that its just something i cannot see myself doing. but im more afraid of growing up, and if i cheated on my husband, becoming someone i hated as a child, looked down on as a child and becoming someone i swore i would never be.
in that sense im a coward. i say that i might cheat on my husband now so that in future, if that happens, i could go easier on my conscience.
watching One Hour Photo (that just ended two seconds ago) helped me imagine the day i find out my husband/boyfriend is cheating on me. when the wife in the movie saw the picture of her husband and the other woman, what i felt then is probably 0.1% of what she was feeling, and what i would feel if that happened to me.
and then i started to imagine hanafi with another girl, like in the pictures in that movie. and quickly pushed that thought aside because it scared the shit outta me.
its one thing seeing your spouse with someone else, but its another seeing your spouse with someone else, happy, and laughing. especially if he/she was never as happy with you.
hypothetical question:
would you rather be in a loveless but faithful relationship, or a one filled with love and happiness, but have ur spouse also sharing this love with someone else?
examples:
"oh john! its not you! its me!"
the classic 'its not you its me'
"john.. you're a great guy...too great even. i don't deserve you. i deserve someone so much better than me"
the 'im not good enough for you' speech
"john...its obvious we not working out...we are going our seperate ways.. but we'd still be friends!"
the 'we'd be better off without each other" conclusion
there are many others... no doubt, creative, orginal, innovative ones are always appreciated. maybe something like :"my grandmother's sick and bedridden (is tt one word or two?).. i have to move to Zimbabwe to nurse her. so i guess we cant see each other anymore. and oh yes-there's no phone/internet connection there.
as you can see, we always try to soften the blow. and rightly so. this bring me to my next point. and if u haven't already noticed i am writing this from a girl's point of view. there are only a few things tt warrant you to not try to soften the blow. (this is ranked)
1) he cheats on you
2) he pressures you to have sex, and even gets anrgy when you say no.
3)he disses you behind your back, to his friends.
i bring this topic up because no. 2) has happened to someone i know. n she cracked her brain on how to soften the blow. supernice of her of course. but again, she didnt have to.
however, the focus now is on no. 1).
im watching One Hour Photo now, an academy award film starring Robbin Williams.
to sum it up, robbin willaims is syg, who develops pictures at a photo shop in a shopping centre. there's a family of three, mum, dad n son, who develop their photos at this photos shop, and have been doing so for the past like..decade. so basically he becomes obsessed with this family (he has none) and has like a shrine of all their pictures.. and they all look happy in jovial, a picture perfect family. one day this random lady with long red hair comes to dvp her photos. and as he develops it, he sees the husband of that family(the bastard) with the lady with long red hair girl (the slut) acting intimately together. he gets really anrgy and hurt, i assume its becasue he really took to the family and feels hurt for them. and takes revenge for the wife by breaking into a hotel room the bastard and slut were sharing in the middle of them having sex. he comes in with a dagger and forces them to have sex.. and basically the slut's like crying n shaking n shit.. n im going :"yeah!! u deserve tt bitch!!!! he's a married man!!! suck on that slut!"
the point im trying to make is that cheating on someone is one thing. cheating and getting caught is whole new thing.
as much as i hope and pray almost every alternate day that my marriage would be like those in romance books, the undying love, im also hestitant to say that i would never cheat on my husband, EVER. i mean, who knows??
now i might say something like that now because it is against my morals, but what if the undying love, well, doesnt die, but goes into like a temporary coma? i hate to see myself as someone who might cheat on her husband. i would rather be oblivious and naive and just dreamily and haughtily say Never Ever would i do something like that, and that its just something i cannot see myself doing. but im more afraid of growing up, and if i cheated on my husband, becoming someone i hated as a child, looked down on as a child and becoming someone i swore i would never be.
in that sense im a coward. i say that i might cheat on my husband now so that in future, if that happens, i could go easier on my conscience.
watching One Hour Photo (that just ended two seconds ago) helped me imagine the day i find out my husband/boyfriend is cheating on me. when the wife in the movie saw the picture of her husband and the other woman, what i felt then is probably 0.1% of what she was feeling, and what i would feel if that happened to me.
and then i started to imagine hanafi with another girl, like in the pictures in that movie. and quickly pushed that thought aside because it scared the shit outta me.
its one thing seeing your spouse with someone else, but its another seeing your spouse with someone else, happy, and laughing. especially if he/she was never as happy with you.
hypothetical question:
would you rather be in a loveless but faithful relationship, or a one filled with love and happiness, but have ur spouse also sharing this love with someone else?
Thursday, July 06, 2006
why you should always check your timetable
yesterday i forgot to bring my record book home, so i didnt know what lessons i have today, and at what time, and what homework i have to get done. not that i do any work on thursday nights anyway. but i reach school at 8:33am, and go to homeroom, and then my locker, when i found out :
I HAVE A SPARE THIS MORNING.
which meant i could have slept in an hr or so more.
which meant i wouldnt be contsantly producing tears from all the yawning.
which meant i could be in a better mood from more sleep, instead of avoiding everyone, typing this entry during recess. which is about over.
this reminds of me why i am avoiding this particular person. now, when i start talking about it, im calm n rational. by the time im halfway done, im dissing the shit outta him and complaining to God (which i never ever do) and plunging into a state of depression. which really shouldnt be.
Code name: John ( i use john for everything- and xiao ming too)
status: Acquintance (yes! u know! that thing which says we're not REALLY FRIENDS. not yet at least)
How it started:
i knew john through a friend of mine, and he was alright.. nothing weird or special about him. (we're still acquintances). before long he got my email add and added me on msn. soon enough, we start chatting online...u could say it was about personal stuff, which could warrant him thinking we're best chums now, but to me, it was nothing personal at all. or maybe i was in a sharing mood tt day. ( still acquintances) and then i started our to notice that convos bordered on melodramatic and emo. tts when i decided i didnt want to constantly chat with someone about how messed up his life is right now, esp when i dun get a shit. not to say tt if my friend started to mess up his life but that i wouldnt give a fuck, but the keyword here is: ACQUINTANCES. so i AM allowed to not care about you.
n so john started to give me the cold shoulder while i remained suspicious. and then suddenly.. one day.. while john was hugging some other randoms, he asked me if i wanted a hug too, just as i was walking away to the library (actually i was like 10 from him by the time he asked) and so i was SMILING n said nahhh.. and i heard him mumble 'bitch'
how it ended: and i wasnt about to question him about it and cause a scene outside the economics room. so i was like :" THATS IT! UR OFF MY ACQUITANCES LIST! ur now on the WEIRD-GUYS-I- WISH-I-NEVER- MET- LIST.
considering ive been nothing but pleasant to him, and have not yet revealed my inner bitch, so he had NO REASON.
at times like this, i really wished i had a boyfriend in the school. and make him do something about this. sort of like how gabby always shouts to carlos :' Carlos! DO something!" Like when the police came to take their baby away.
i remember the times when i used to shout :"hanafi! make me happy!" or " hanafi!! entertain me!"
yes.. you see? what u see is not what u get. outwardly, i appear soft and acomodating ( why are u laughing jo?), but once u get closer to me, u see im not. and its not easy being my boyfriend.
which leaves me absolutely depressed that i wont be able to find another boyfriend in the near future.
fuckity fuck. i need a man in my life.
I HAVE A SPARE THIS MORNING.
which meant i could have slept in an hr or so more.
which meant i wouldnt be contsantly producing tears from all the yawning.
which meant i could be in a better mood from more sleep, instead of avoiding everyone, typing this entry during recess. which is about over.
this reminds of me why i am avoiding this particular person. now, when i start talking about it, im calm n rational. by the time im halfway done, im dissing the shit outta him and complaining to God (which i never ever do) and plunging into a state of depression. which really shouldnt be.
Code name: John ( i use john for everything- and xiao ming too)
status: Acquintance (yes! u know! that thing which says we're not REALLY FRIENDS. not yet at least)
How it started:
i knew john through a friend of mine, and he was alright.. nothing weird or special about him. (we're still acquintances). before long he got my email add and added me on msn. soon enough, we start chatting online...u could say it was about personal stuff, which could warrant him thinking we're best chums now, but to me, it was nothing personal at all. or maybe i was in a sharing mood tt day. ( still acquintances) and then i started our to notice that convos bordered on melodramatic and emo. tts when i decided i didnt want to constantly chat with someone about how messed up his life is right now, esp when i dun get a shit. not to say tt if my friend started to mess up his life but that i wouldnt give a fuck, but the keyword here is: ACQUINTANCES. so i AM allowed to not care about you.
n so john started to give me the cold shoulder while i remained suspicious. and then suddenly.. one day.. while john was hugging some other randoms, he asked me if i wanted a hug too, just as i was walking away to the library (actually i was like 10 from him by the time he asked) and so i was SMILING n said nahhh.. and i heard him mumble 'bitch'
how it ended: and i wasnt about to question him about it and cause a scene outside the economics room. so i was like :" THATS IT! UR OFF MY ACQUITANCES LIST! ur now on the WEIRD-GUYS-I- WISH-I-NEVER- MET- LIST.
considering ive been nothing but pleasant to him, and have not yet revealed my inner bitch, so he had NO REASON.
at times like this, i really wished i had a boyfriend in the school. and make him do something about this. sort of like how gabby always shouts to carlos :' Carlos! DO something!" Like when the police came to take their baby away.
i remember the times when i used to shout :"hanafi! make me happy!" or " hanafi!! entertain me!"
yes.. you see? what u see is not what u get. outwardly, i appear soft and acomodating ( why are u laughing jo?), but once u get closer to me, u see im not. and its not easy being my boyfriend.
which leaves me absolutely depressed that i wont be able to find another boyfriend in the near future.
fuckity fuck. i need a man in my life.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
on CTV
It was 32 degrees. Now it's 13.
The past few days I have just been trying to complete all my holiday homework which I SWEAR I brought to Singapore to do, and then for some reason, found it on my bed at 6am when I reached home on Friday.
The fact that im back to freezing my nipples off in my wonderfully new and lonely house makes me wish I could be back there, fanning myself frantically, complaining about my marred skin, uneven pigmentation, caused by the sun I have not seen in 3 months.
Superficial things first…
Shopping highlights:
timberland sneakers
wedges from Charles and Keith
Black heels from Charles and Keith
summer dress from some shop at Isetan
Dinner dress from Daniel Yam
Red party top from MNG
Happy things next…
My trip was an all round feel good trip. There were many things to be happy about. I spent about 10 days there and yet, I feel I had not eaten enough good food, and had not shopped enough to call myself Lynn. But most of all, I had not met up with as many friends and as many times as I would have liked. I can't believe I didn’t get time to go to Sentosa! I had brought along 2 of my swimsuits! I also didn’t once go to Hyatt for their tomyum soup!
And I wish I got lost on the mrt for the forth time with xiu hui, who has deemed me the Public Transport Jinx, which I thought was extremely fitting. The last time we took the train up the Eunos and before that, Kallang.
Funnily enough, sex was most definitely the topic of my holiday. For one, there was the bugging of yy about his sex life (during the dinner with man, xiu, wx, wl, yy and den and jon at crystal jade). Then there was the swapping of sex notes with xiu and den on wed nite at tcc. Not forgetting my chat with you-know-who.
Met jo at Holland v and after that using here school bag to cover a HUGE stain on my shorts- after frantically trying to watch it off in the coffee shop toilet with it's pathetic soap.
Met fangyi by a stroke of luck (on my part) when I went to the shithole.
Catching up with shing was good too…before I was on CTV that is, half expecting Ashton Kutcher to pop out of nowhere.
And most definitely having my whole family together, under one roof, my bro coming back from no man's land aka Taiwan, and even driving up to KL to see my mum's family that I haven't in like what 6 years?
emotional things last:
that without a doubt had to be meeting hanafi, now affectionately known to his girlfriends at sch as 'police'. Or what not. Meeting him had to be about one of the most confusing things I had to deal with. I mean, what are we already?! sheesh. Talk about The Chronicles of Lynn & Hanafi. Truly, our rship is barely afloat and in the middle of nowhere. I'm thinking Europe…or the Mediterranean.
Which reminds me, I had two consecutive nightmares starring Hanafi.
Nightmare; Saturday night:
I was having my last day in Singapore, and was doing some last min shopping at taka. I called hanafi to come down and meet me for the last time before I fly off. And he did come to meet me. I noticed there was something different about him, but since everything was hazy, (which really is reflecting the state of our rship) I couldn’t quite place my finger on what was different about him. And then it dawned on me.
He had PLUCKED HIS EYEBROWS. Until there was almost nothing left. Knowing me, I went screaming 'WHY You PLUCK UR EYEBROWS? They were so nice before! Now its so ugly!!' but I was in for yet another surprise when I realised that he had grown LONG HAIR! Now, whether he looked hot with it was not the matter. I was devastated. But now when I think about it, I think I was more devastated at not so much his hair, but by the fact that I was losing him. In the sense that he was drifting farther and farther away anymore, and like where's the hanafi I used to know? But anyway, in my dream I blamed all the changes in him on nan, his friend whom we met at taka, for influencing him to a state of no return.
Nightmare; Sunday night:
I was having a ballet lesson in Singapore Poly. Weird, I know, but then again, aren’t all my dreams? Anyway, while I was dancing away, hanafi was standing outside with slut-who-shall-not-be-named (now don't get tounchy Hanafi, it's not personal, I was merely stating a fact) and they were looking inside- at me. and after awhile, I saw they were sniggering at me. and that was when I ran out of the studio, crying.. and finally falling asleep on his school's soccer field.
…and then I woke up, realising it was all a dream.
(classic pri 6 english essay)
now back to the emotional things, I received a very sweet present from who I consider to be my most emo friend, not very emo, but still the most out of the lot- wei long. Emo's not a bad thing. To be honest, while I enjoyed the present very much (no, its not a vibrator) I had a small fear that accompanying it was gonna be a v thoughtful (and emo) message, posing me with questions like "what is our purpose in life, lynn?" But of course, it was nothing but a letter from one 17 year old to another. That's the title of the cd he burnt me by the way.
And last of all to summarise my holiday, I feel awful about what happened to shing and jon on wed nite. They definitely did not receive that kind of treatment and I feel very guilty because, if I rmb correctly, it had been my idea to club, since I always took for granted that since I could get in, they would most likely be able to too. And it never crossed my mind it could get that serious. And as much as it turned out pretty awfully, I would like to look on the bright side and say, well shing, maybe when we're 23, sitting at a bar in Zouk, we'd all look back on this incident and laugh.
And oh, I need a man in my life!
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