Losing It

Losing It

When would a girl know she's ready? I've asked myself that at least a couple of times and while most people would say 'you'd just know' as though I'm a bloody shrink, the answer to that question is that you wouldn't know until after you've lost it.

This is how it works:
So you've lost it to your guy. Assuming he was still there the next morning when u wake up, tells you he had a most wonderful night, comforts you a little bit for your loss and gets up to make you breakfast. There could be two scenarios:

1) You start sobbing. You feel you've let the whole world down and how you'd ever be able to hold up head up high is unimaginable. You start to fret u might get pregnant. In this situation you still cannot find out if you were actually ready. Unless…
i. He sees you're really shaken up about it and tries to comfort you. He reassures you that he loves you and he wasn't just in it for the sex and will stick around. You believe him and start to smile and relax. If you're lucky, he stays true to his word. Only then you would know you were ready, emotionally mature enough to handle it, maybe just a little shaken by the experience and needed time to calm down.
ii. He sees you're really shaken up about it and tries to comfort you. 'DON'T TOUCH ME YOU BASTARD', you say, and run out of the room to your mother, spill the beans, get disowned and sign up for counselling/group therapy. He is left confused as a few hours ago you were saying: 'YES YES! TOUCH ME THERE NOW!' Only then you would know you weren't ready.

2) You say to yourself: 'that was a good experience. Pleasure has a price'. And you get up to cuddle and eat the breakfast he's made. Your relationship goes on fine and break up months later not because of this issue. Only then would you know you were ready. Readier than girl from Scenario 1i).

And what of girls who lost their cherry to the odd guy? Well, first that is a silly silly thing to do. If…(this is assuming the odd guy won't be sticking around for the next sunrise)

1). You say to yourself:' Hell yeah!' You would be sure you were ready. Maybe even too ready. Too ready to respect your cherry.

2). Scenario 1ii) repeats except for the bit where he tries to comfort you. You feel worse because you realise you don't even know his last name and his name could have been spelt John or Jon or Jonathan. You wouldn't know if you were truly ready because the experience might have been different if it was a different guy, if it was a boyfriend so you won't feel like such a slut.
This is why what happens immediately after sex or what not is crucial.

Sex- it's taunting you and teasing you. How daring are you? How much are you willing to risk? How boring are you? How exciting? It does that because you don't know the answers to these questions until you've tried it and you want to find out. It's an IQ test. It tells you whether you’re a bright girl who chose the right guy, or a dim one, who chose a wrong one. It's a personality test: are you a slut or not? It’s a test of how much your family loves you.

And what of guys? I'd say they are ready anytime from the age of 0 onwards.

How would a girl ensure that she wouldn’t feel like crap after losing it? How could you ensure you wouldn't feel cheated after having sex for the first time? I have often asked myself if there was a way to protect myself from the emotional trauma after my membrane tears. Well, there is a way: the Bunny.

Instead of losing your virginity to a guy who might really be a jerk, you could lose it to yourself. As you turn the Bunny on to 'low', you know that you aren’t giving your cherry to a guy whom you might never see again. In a strange way, because you lose your virginity to yourself, you keep it with you even after you lose it. It's like keeping the family heirloom within the family. Although it is a waste of cherry to be given to a pink rubber toy.

The bottom line is, some girls are lucky, some aren't. If you happen to be one of the unlucky ones, tough.

being with you and in you

I just received the Commonwealth Sec yearbook of 2005 and I'm going into full-gear bitching.

Dearest mrs teo, I know u have speech defect that is really quite humiliating for our school, but I didn’t realise you had eyesight defects too. The school logo and heading on the yearbook cover is not centralised. You know, centralised? It's a common style for a heading on a cover of a book. In fact it’s the only socially accepted one.

To the rest of the people who put their hearts and soul into the publishing of the yearbook, you should b ashamed of yourself. The picture quality is so horrible, one would think it was from 1960, when the first colour pictures were discovered or made available.

The main thing about yearbooks is the picture. Mainly, the class photos. We don't give a shit about how much money the parent-teacher-network raised, or how old and saggy the principle is. Even being a computer illiterate myself, I have heard of something called 'blowing up the picture', have you? FUCKING BLOW UP THE CLASS PHOTOS COS WE CANT SEE SHIT. And what were u thinking with the sweet colourful stars beside our class photos?! This is not 1996 neoprints.

This batch of o level students has produced by far one of the best results in years and this is what you give us- an F grade yearbook! And don't even think we'd forget that you wanted to have our formal in the school canteen you ungrateful assholes.

at the rate this principle is pushing the school, without giving back to the students something worth remembering, css students are going to graduate with 6 a1s but when they step out of the blue uniform, they'd smile and be glad for it.

self mutilation

i cut myself today. didnt noe what i was thinking. afterward i realised it was a stupid thing to do... ...

i left my shaver with a bar of soap. some bits of the soap got stuck between the blades. i decided to clean it, to try to get the soap out. i pressed my thumb into the blade and slid across the blade, hoping to get the soap out.

bleed bleed bleed...

MOOMMMMYY!!!! PLASTER!!!!!

since child abuse was legal

i had a debate with my mum about whether child abuse (parents canning/ slapping their children to discipline them) is legal.
mum: john (the architect of my new hse) asked me if in Singapore, parents are allowed to cane/ slap their children.
me: what did u say?
mum: yes, of course!
me: ( very shocked) OH MY GOD! its soooo not!
mum: it is.
me: its just cos EVERYbody does it anyway thats why u think its okay n its legal when in fact it is not.
mum: it is. if the child can be disciplined by just scolding, thats good. but most of the time, they wont listen.
me: exactly! CHILD. this word gives children the right to not know right from wrong. they're only children.
mum: no. some of them r v rebellious and u have to slap them
me: (i start to defend myself now bcos i know my mum thinks tt im v rebellious and has wanted to slap me before) alot of kids who have never been abused turn up just fine. it how their brought up and taught.tts why u cant lay hands on a child in sch bcos it's in the public eye but it occurs in domestic homes cos no one reports the parents! if i reported u, u'd b in jail by now.
mum: its cos the kids at the school arent the children of the teachers but if the child is urs, the child is yours to discipline.
me: OH MY GOD. ITS SOOOOOOOOO NOT LEGAL.



since when was child abuse legal? since child abuse was legal.


never.

a virgin experience

on thurs i went to take the theory driving test and passed! wohoo! i look crap in my driver's lisence.
on sunday i had very first experience driving. i must say.. there wasnt a climax and no, it wasnt a painful experience, the whole thing was very exciting and stressful at the same time. i went to some business centre aft working hrs so tt was kinda deserted where i drove ard for bt 40 mins, reversing and trying to park into a lot and doing humps... haha...i must say, i'd rather ride a horse than drive a car at this point of my learning to drive.

my break up with * is going well. slowly but surely. tts the way we want it. we definately remain best friends.

i received a phone call from a dear friend joshua all the way from sydney. and he seems to b getting along fine, like me, starting to drive soon, just to let u guys noe, in case u wanted to find out how he's going.

i had a biology test today and it was hard. tt was really weird cos hard academic tests and australia just dont go.

Me and Quek Xiu Hui

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday Quek Funnel
Happy birthday to you! (whistles and woohoos)

I could not find any ' Me and Quek Xiu Hui' photos although that album has alot of photos like:
me and xui hui on the last day of school
me and xui hui on new year's eve
me and xiu hui trying to sit on Sunit's bike
me and xiu hui killing loh mun fei and nggy
me and xiu hui eating New Zealand Natural mint ice cream
me and xiu hui at Charm to pluck eyebrows (hers)
and so on...

as a tribute to our friendship, im going to post a pic of jay chou's twin.

Karma is a Bitch

You can tell karma is female the way she keeps track of all the mean/bad/unkind things u've done and somehow manages to punish you. Karma is also manipulative the way alot of girls are by getting you without you noticing it. but im noticing everything karma! oh im on to you!
Australians are the la*iest bunch of people i have ever met.
my sch is pretty cool. my classes are like 5-16 people so its sort of like tuition which is great.. my locker is the hugest.. its like a friggin cupboard compared to what i had in sg. there's a socket and a coat hanger in every locker so u can charge ur laptop/hp/mp3 player in the locker. the teahcers are super nice again as compared to sg teachers...
Congrats to everyone on their results! heard everyone did pretty well.=)

000000789327487387932 the no of people who are jealous of me cos i know jay chou's twin.

'by the lions' and the australian sky

a daily costume

my long dress by aussie standards. totally decent.i could be an example for 'how a sch uniform should be worn' here. tts 3 layers: summer dress, sweater and blazer.

2 layers: summer dress and sweater. when winter comes i'll upload the winter uniform which is more kinki! luckily i dont have a kinki face otherwise i'd really look like im playing dressup. i dont! in the backgrd is the place im renting now. i'll upload pics my real hse which is under renovation. i love it.

a titled entry

i woke up at 8 today, despite it being a sat and its a universal rule that ur supposed to sleep in, my body clock is used to waking up early since ive recently started school.

my dad said we were going to Dandenongs today so i thought we were going to The Dandenongs ( the mountains). but he and i were seriously mistaken cos we ended up going to Dandenong Road, on which is a shopping centre. i brought my cam with me thinking i was going to be sight seeing but wasnt too disappointed when i realised the main activity for the day was shopping.

i only have 15 mins left on this comp (im booked at the library cos i cant access the net from my laptop at home) i decided that my laptop should be a guy, for those who may be interested. suggestions for his name is welcome.

i'll be posting more pics here and in friendster(of i can), friendster is restricted on my laptop, and alot more entries bt the ways of austrlians and their country.

000793857634
The number of people jealous of my kinki uniform... and counting.

wtf happened to my title bar? all my entries are title-less.

since ive come here, ive noticed im more singaporean than i realised. first aussies are really good at small talk. they ask me how i am when they but i dun really even want to know. and i know this for a fact cos before i can think of what to say they've zipped past me. point is: dun ask me how's it going if u dun really wanna know.

i love my uniform. any shorter i'd look like some jap prostitute playing school girl. kinki. kinki eggplant that is.

ive got some photos of my sch uniform n i'll prolly upload it here cos friendster is restricted on my sch laptop. im gonna name my laptop, but i stil havent decided if its a boy /girl. ive got class soon at 9 50 soimoff to my very big locker.

ok, so maybe 12 jan wasnt the worst day of my life, in fact it wasnt tt bad at all. i was just being a fussy hussy. sat was really the worst day of my life, when i got lost and ended up in newton. i really think im not fated to take public transport. i spent 12 jan doing something i love very much. just spending time with someone special.

How to Survive in The House of Woo:
1. Don't say 'hey'. EVER
2. Tape musking tape over ur mouth because so much as a 'but' is considered as answering back in the Woo's residence.
3. Argue politely. (I havent quite figured this one out yet)
4. Don't apologise for telling ur friends ur problems.
5. Don't put carton boxes in the masterbedroom. No reason, just don't.
6. Don't be a potential burden to anyone.
7. Try not to kill anyone in the midst of an argument.
8. When someone is hyperventilating, ignore and continue chatting with ur friends so u can get a good night's sleep needed to continue the argument the next day.

alright this is it. i used to tell hanafi it's a long way away, but now its only tmr.thank you everybody for making life here so enjoyable n memorable, esp hanafi and all my friends. leaving is never easy but some how this is even worse. i wish each n everyone of you all the best in your studies n i'll miss all of u guys like crazy. i'll still be the same bitchy lynn when i come back.dun even think im like those phoney singaporeans who go overseas for like 6 mths n come back with an accent.thats seriously not remotely possible.

dear hanafi,
thank you for bringing me so much joy and always trying to.i have always appreciated all the things u do for me and always will because its the small things that count. thank you for being such a great friend i can tell everything to. even if i cant get the dirt out of my toenail i tell you. it takes someone with great patience to put up with someone like me with none whatsoever, and for putting up with all my whinning.
i only wish u'll take great care of yourself when i go and that u'll grow up to be what u want to be.im with u for who u are deep down so please dun ever change that. thanks for waking up for at 4 am to tell me u love me.thanks for singing to me at 4am when i cant get to sleep.
being with u was very hard cos of all the obstacles we had to overcome. i guess in tthe end thats wad really made me stronger even tho i always say i've grown weaker being in this rship bcos u always spoil me.thank you for being with me every step of the way and i'll always be there for you. i'll be there when u meet a really nice girl ( to interview her for the job), i'll be there when u get married, i'll be there when u become a pilot. i really hope u meet someone really nice n patient who's good enough for you.of course she'll be a very lucky person indeed.
now even as we go our seperate ways u'll always be in my heart. all good things must come to an end. and our rship is one such. at least we have a happy ending to our finale chapter and even as i write my own seperate chapter u and all my friends will be mentioned many times.
at the very beginning of our rship i was really insecure, esp when ppl tell me tt ur a player n blah.but now i look back n think of it as a joke because anyone who tells me ur a player has gotta be outta his mind. i for one, should know that by now.some ppl told me this wasnt worth it n i'll get cheated in the end,for a second a pondered bt it but now, 2 yrs on and i know all this was worth it, worth you.not the slightest of me got cheated of because u gave me everything u had to offer:time, support, encouragement, sleep, patience and understanding. you are everything i ever wanted in a guy and more. when i was little i used to day dream about my dream guy. but after i met you somehow i stopped dreaming. i know thats because i had already met him. ( no, i didnt copy this off some korean drama)
thank you very much for picking me amongst all the other girls making me more fortunate than i already am.thank you very much for giving me the time of my life.

with love, lynn

today is probably the worst day of life. i was on the way to west mall to pick up a bouquet of sunflowers which is his fav flower. i was walking to the bus stop when he called..im sorry he said n for a sec i thought he was pulling my leg. but later i find out he isnt joking. im crushed because today is jan 12. the third n last special jan 12. so i say..alright i can come to ur place.. n cook.. eggs. so i went to the basement of wm to collect my flowers n it was really inconvenient to carry it all ard... i ask hanafi for directions...why is my entry turning all present tense?so i get really really agitated by his vague intructions. i get distracted from my dismal state by this woman n her daughter. they have this distinctive chinese accent i think they're from china. they definately reek of china. so i was turning away so much, i didnt wanna change seats coz she might get insulted. you hear that Santa? im caring abt how a mainlander feels. so im turning away so much i think its a yoga pose or some sort. message to the chinese beside me: ur not in mainland anymore. u HAVE to bathe more than twice a week. everyday would be prefered.

finally i get to his place.i can hear the applause, ppl cheering too. i ring the doorbell n he opens it. but his migraine is so bad he doesnt even look at me or the sunflowers im carrying.i cant blame him since he very well didnt wanna fall sick. did i mention i cancelled my taiwan trip with my mum n america trip with my sis to be in singapore on this very day? for some reason he cant open the gate so his brother comes with the key n unlocks it, but doesnt open the door for me.i thought tt was really weird. like he just unlocked it but didnt open it n invite me in.

i am so dissapointed with the way the day turned out that i stare blankly at the tv. he's got cable. when he tries to get my attention i still stare blankly at the tv.. unable to believe this is how im gonna spend my anniversary. the flowers were the first n last i give him n he juz put it away in his room..n tells me he'll put it in a vase ..after i pester him to. and then he asked if i juz came to his hse to watch cable( i dun have it at home) coz my eyes was transfixed on the telly. i got really pissed.DO U THINK IM WANTING TO SPEND MY DAY LIKE THIS?

so right now, im typing this entry. every few sentences i roll over to the bedside where he is resting n poke his body around for a bit.. and then im back at the keyboard.

sweet memoirs

i've just finshed Memoirs of a Geisha. funnily, throughtout the whole novel, i dun remember having read the word 'love'. as in love for another person of the opp sex ( in a more than friends way), i dun think sayuri ever experienced love.the closest thing to 'love' in the novel was probably 'affection'.sayuri has also only been kissed once her entire life as a geisha. i really feel for her.

im pretty new at this bloggy shit but i decided to start one in the spur of a moment.juz gimme a mo to make this more presentable. im really impatient with this shit which is why my friendster acc has been stagnant for months. before i get up to saving my edited profile, i get really impatient n drop the whole idea. sweet memoirs is really what im feeling in my life right now. many of my friends r at crossroads in their life now, but somehow i seem to be a big busy junction, with lotsa round a bouts and zebra crossings.

my packing my room into carton boxes now.its heartbreaking, not to be melodramatic or anything. as my room gets emptier my heart gets heavier. not too long ago i often complained bt singapore. its weather, the sucky schools, ah pehs at the void deck, guys who cant stop starring. but now i find myself complaining abt returning to aus. i've made myself quite comfortable over the last 4 yrs. soon i'll be looking down on the streets of melb city to find it filled the leopard spots (chewing gum).. but no.. its not quite as exquisite as the spots of a leopard.. its more like measles.. the one me n jo used to draw all over our foolscap pads. she insists in tin molecules (during chem class)

i;ve packed right up to my stationery. but my closet is still full. n my full collection of make up is still with me. there's no way im packing that into a carton box! along with all my shoes n clothes! gods knows if i'll ever see them again. no, they're coming along with me in my personal luggage.

i came across a notebook. e one tt a brought to sch with blank pages. i was packing tt into a carton box n flipped thru some of d pages.. i found my drawing of jo..not bad i would say... a lil caption beside it said 'jo in geog class'. another caption in xiu hui's hand read ' jo very cute'. on the opp page was jo's drawing of me.. i looked like a lizard. xh's hand read ' lynn very ugly'. all around the border of the page in jo's hand was ' im not paying attention im not paying attention' n xh's hand was ' neither am i neither am i'..this brought back lotsa wonderful memories for me..i turn the next page only to find denise's artistic impression of annie lim or seng annie. whichever. annie's boobs were square n saggy. annie's boobs are square n saggy.

the actually reason why i flipped thru my old notebook was coz i rmb jo writing her add in there, n i wrote mine in her then notebook.i wanted to find her add so i could mail her letters from down under. under her add was ' BRING CHEM TYS!'im trying to record all my friends adds actually.i entered the date together with jo's add into my add book. she would be very honoured to know tt tt was the first time i wrote it ending with 06